Ever see someone walk straight into a glass door, face first? They thought it was open because they could see through it, and didn’t realize there was a closed door there until it was too late?
Well, that’s kind of how I feel about my life right now.
It’s taken me three days to write my first post on this blog because I have been on an emotional roller coaster since walking across the stage and shaking hands with Donna Shalala, President of the University of Miami, on Friday afternoon at Graduation. There was obviously the initial excitement of being done with college after four long years of papers, professors, and presentations. But that was immediately replaced with confusion, panic, and a feeling of being completely lost. Literally, I almost didn’t understand how to process out of the Bank United Center. They needed to shuffle me out in the right direction as Pomp and Circumstance blared over the speakers. Then everything went into fast motion, and the next few hours were filled with flashes from cameras, pats on the back, some tears from close friends, and glasses of champagne.
Saturday was no better. With my family still in town, it was hard to really comprehend that I was actually a college graduate. We spent the day at Marlins Park watching the Mets fry some fish before I dropped them at the airport that evening. But Saturday night my roommate took me to dinner with her family, and so reality still wasnt hitting.
And then it hit. Hard. Walked straight into the glass door. Sunday afternoon around 3 p.m, my friend Claudy found me in the fetal position on the floor of my bedroom in tears, surrounded by half-packed suitcases, trash bags, and piles of laundry. I had been attempting to pack my bedroom, and everything in it that defined the past four years of my life, into Home Depot boxes to ship back to New York and all at once I realized that it was actually ending. The multitude of emotions that I had been juggling just all smushed together into one big blob of depression and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. And so yesterday clearly wasn’t the day to start a blog, unless I wanted the first post to be the script to a soap opera.
So, here I am now, almost 24 hours later, and I’m doing a little better. My room is mostly packed up, we donated a lot of our old furniture to Goodwill, and although the morning I leave Miami is going to be really rough emotionally, I think I’ll eventually be okay.
If there’s one thing this weekend has shown me, it’s that I’m definitely still a kid. Twenty-two years young, and afraid of the real world, the post-college world. The last four years have been the best of my life. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but even more friends. I managed not to burn down the house I shared with my 5 current roommates, which is impressive. (You’d understand if you knew my roommates.) I held internships, joined a sorority, was inducted into an honor society, and wrote lots of papers. I explored the city of Miami, tanned on Key Biscayne and partied at South Beach clubs. I spent my last spring break in Las Vegas, and went to every Miami Hurricanes home football game. But now, I guess, shit’s about to get real. I’m not a student anymore. I’ll eventually need to get a real job, my own apartment, and the impossible – a boyfriend.
And that’s exactly why I decided to start this blog. To track my journey over the next year, and be able to look back and see how far I’ve come. So if anyone’s interested in taking the journey with me, check back once and a while to see where I’m at. Let’s just hope next time you check in, I’m not laying on the floor and crying. Or at least not both at the same time.