This is post is inspired by a hilarious article I read on Thought Catalog.
All I think about is the Olympics. It’s hard not to, after all. Everywhere I go, the Olympics is on. The park where I spend my lunchbreak at work plays the events on a giant projector against a building wall. The bars we visited this weekend broadcasted the games on every TV they had. At home, my mom actually flips out if someone suggests changing the channel from the Olympics (It’s the only time she’s okay with not watching the news – “There are so many spoilers! I can’t watch it.”). Even on Twitter, every other tweet is an Olympic update, or one of my friends reacting to something they’ve seen.
This weekend, I had conversations with a couple of different people regarding what Olympic sport I’d like to be able to compete in. My list includes gymnastics, soccer, diving, and if we’re including winter sports, definitely figure skating. But when it comes down to which I could compete in, like potentially have the athletic ability to even attempt…I come up pretty short. I did used to ride horses when I was younger, and believe it or not at one point, I was a swimmer.
Watch out, Michael Phelps.
But realistically, there’s never really been a sport where I was truly a shining star. (Hard to believe, I know.) I played soccer for years when I was young, swam, and even attempted softball (go ahead, laugh) and volleyball. I was a pretty good dancer, and was part of a competitive team for a few years, but even quit that when it started taking up too much of the time I had designated for Law and Order SVU marathons and napping.
So I compiled a list of ten events that, if they were Olympic sports, I would 100% be a two, maybe three time gold medalist in.
10. Speed texting.
9. Losing ONE earring of a pair.
8. Speed walking from my parked car to the train when running late. And making the train.
7. Eating every last piece of sushi at Sushi Village’s All-You-Can-Eat Special.
6. Applying make-up on a moving train.
5. Quoting Mean Girls & Anchorman.
4. Professional Hair Twirling.
3. Eating more cheese than anyone else you know.
2. Longest nap. Like epically long naps.
1. Finding things to do instead of going to the gym.
So if you think you can compete with me in any of these categories, I challenge you to do so. As long as you’re content with a Silver medal…..amateur.