Day 165 – Wise Beyond My Beers

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Halloweekend has historically been my favorite weekend of the year. I love dressing up, obviously, as every girl does, and the costume search usually begins around August. So does the Halloween diet. Well, neither of those things really happened this year for me, and so here I am, on the Friday of Halloween, not really sure what I’m dressing as, and definitely not in Hallow shape. I’m ashamed of myself.

Yet Halloweekend has commenced, regardless. Last night I went with Jess&Jess (Jess my college roommate, and her current roommate, also conveniently named Jess) to (my) Jess’s work Halloween party. Excuses me, “Huluween” party. So clever, Hulu! Anyway, this was our first grown-up Halloween event, so as we walked in (dressed like the Power Puff Girls, of course), we were wondering how much different it would be from every other Halloween party we’d ever been to.

The answer is: both totally different, but not really that different, at the same time.

Here’s the breakdown. It’s a totally different environment at a “grown-up” Halloween party, different norms, different expectations, different kinds of costumes, different setting. However, it’s exactly the same in the sense that everyone is totally hammered by the end of the night and hungover as all hell the next day at the office. As we realized the differences throughout the event, we took notes on Jess’s iPhone to remember the next day (in case we didn’t remember on our own, due to the open bar). These are some of our most crucial observations. College grads, pay careful attention.

1. Wigs are a MUST. If you’re not wearing a wig, you might as well not be in costume. But I’m talking good wigs. Like from a wig store. Not from Party City. Wigs so good that people can’t tell if it’s your real hair or not.

2. When a conversation has ended, it’s okay to just move on. You don’t have to pretend to keep talking about how you were convinced someone’s wig was their real hair for another 10 minutes. There are other wigs to mistake for hair. Just move on.

3. Take advantage of photo booths early in the evening when your hair/wig still looks good. By the third hour of the open bar, you’ll be the zombie version of whatever you dressed as. Which I guess works for a Halloween party, now that I’m thinking about it…

(Picture to come of us in the photo booth looking adorable!)

4. Double-dipping is frowned upon unless you do the “dip-and-flip.”

5. If you’re the youngest people at the Halloween party, DON’T DRESS like the youngest people at the Halloween party. Like when theme is “Classic Television Shows,” and everyone else dresses like Gilligan’s Island, The Golden Girls, or Saved by the Bell, don’t dress like the PowerPuff Girls, even if that seems classic enough for you. People older than 25 won’t recognize you.

6. AVOID. YOUR. BOSS. I know you think you want them to see your costume, and you desperately want to comment on what they’re wearing, but the chances of you embarrassing yourself is alarmingly high. Just check out the Facebook pictures at the office tomorrow.

7. Funny costumes > Sexy costumes…but that’s a given. Thank GOD we wore tights under our dresses or Jess would’ve gotten fired.

*Side note, speaking of dresses: If you’re wearing a dress, don’t challenge the dude dressed like Will Ferrell the Spartan Cheerleader from SNL to a high-kick contest. Just…don’t.


8. If someone says to you “I’m totally gonna need an egg sandwich tomorrow morning!” what they’re really saying is “Dude, I’m gonna be wasted tonight. I’m going to be passed out at my desk tomorrow.” Talk the talk.

9. Don’t go into the same bathroom stall as your friends. Actual quote from…someone? : “If you think it’s a frat party…it’s not.” It definitely was not.

And the most important thing to remember, based on my experience last night…

10. If someone asks you if you want to have a drink called the “Bear Fight,” JUST SAY NO. The bear ALWAYS wins. If you could see what I look like right now, you’d understand that I am (barely…or should I say bear-ly) living proof of that.

I hope this sheds some light on what to do and what not to do at your first, official, grown-up office Halloween party. A little advice from someone who is “wise beyond her beers.”

Happy Halloweekend, all! Stay safe 😉

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