More than once, my college roommates and I had discussions on what it would be like if all 7 of us were contestants on ABC’s The Bachelor at the same time. And to be honest with you, there is really only one word I can use to describe what it would be like.
Pure, unadulterated (and probably violent) chaos. Because that’s what it was when we all wanted to shower at the same time. Share a boyfriend? With a handful of other bikini-clad girls? No no no, that’s not something you’d want to unfold.
Actual Photo. Taken November 2009.
Reason for Fight: Only One Mozzarella Stick Left.
So while it would be for our own safety not to cast us on the show, it would be great television. And up against any other crazies who weren’t already my roommates/best friends turned arch rivals when Sean Lowe walks in the room, we’d probably all have a pretty decent shot at winning The Bachelor.
As crazy as we’d sometimes get in my house, up against the psychotic bimbos that sign up to be on this show, I think we’d prove to be
normal sober level-headed realistic less psychotic. Plus, it would be SO MUCH FUN.
But let’s clarify here. I know they call this reality TV, but there is nothing real about it. First and foremost, any drop-dead gorgeous, tan, chiseled, romantic, family oriented man who is ready to settle down and find a wife and start a family PROBABLY DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM FINDING LOVE. And if any are still out there, struggling so much that they’re considering going on national TV to find “the one,” please give him my number. Secondly, the dates. Are. Incredible. Not that I’m knocking any dates I’ve been on, but they don’t exactly compare to having an amusement park all to ourselves for the day (dream date!) or being treated to a shopping spree including a stop at Neil Lane.
In fact, compared to a lot of the other shows on television, things like The Bachelor are as far from “reality” as you can get. These girls literally leave their jobs and families (sometimes including their children that they gush about) to spend weeks at a Mansion in LA with a 24-hour margarita machine, 25 other crazy bitches, and a hot dude. Chyeah. That’s not real.
Would anything really hold me back from going on the show if I had the chance? Probably not. Have I filled out an application to be the Bachelorette? Maybe. Would I be okay spending the rest of my life with Sean Lowe? Yes.
Yes, Sean, I will accept this rose!
….No seriously, give it to me. NOW.
I’ll tell you this much. 365 Days in the Life of a Bachelor Contestant would probably be a much more entertaining blog than this one. So maybe you all should help me become the next Bachelorette. Just sayin’.