Monthly Archives: February 2013

Day 286 – A Guide to Kinda-Sorta Creepy Ways to Meet New People

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“No one is looking for a relationship in college. Everyone just wants to have fun.” Said everyone who couldn’t find a boyfriend while they were in school.

What I’m trying to say is that was a phrase that may have come out of my mouth quite a bit during my four years in Miami…mostly because it was true. Right? IT’S TRUE RIGHT?? IT WASN’T JUST ME?!??

Anyway, here we are, 286 days since graduation, and now I’ve been telling a lot of my friends who are still in school, “No one is really looking for a relationship right out of college. Everyone is adjusting to post-grad life and just wants to have fun.” So where do you find the ones who do want a relationship?

Young adults are flocking to the web, their phones, and more to check out not only who’s single, but who’s looking to meet up for a drink, a few dates, or a relationship. It’s not really surprising, since our generation has become completely reliant on the Internet and our smart phones for everything from food delivery to catching up on our TV shows. That and we’re all totally lazy. Let’s explore the options for the tech-friendly-romantic who just seems to be looking for love in all the wrong places.

Kinda Sorta Creepy Ways to Meet People via Technology

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I’m just kinda T.O’ed because she hasn’t sent me a full body shot yet.

Grouper

I’m listing Grouper first because I think it is so funny and so cute and such a good idea because it requires that you actually have friends to do it. Essentially, you sign up with two friends, or “wingmen” as they list it on the site, and you get matched with another group of three. For $20 each, your drinks for the night are taken care of, and you’re on this pre-arranged super fun group date. I’ve had two friends go on it already, and both said it was actually a really enjoyable time.

Also, this:

Brilliant.

Grade: A

OK Cupid

I’m going to go ahead and share with you that I created an OKCupid account a little while back, just to see what it was all about. There were definitely some good and some bad aspects to it.

Here’s the good. A lot of the guys who make profiles understand that being funny and personable is key to getting people to trust that you are normal. Even better is some of them realize that the whole concept of OKCupid, well, online dating in general, is still fairly new, so if they do message you, they’ll need to tread lightly, and feel it out. A cheese pick-up line is okay, if it’s very obvious it’s a joke. Even better is if they can reference something you like based on your profile without just being like, “Oh, you like Ryan Gosling movies? Me too. He is good.” The bad? More people on the site do not realize these things. And send creepy. ass. messages. “Mmmm gurl lovin ur pics, wanna meet up?” Um…no. Like not even a little bit.

I did go on a date with someone I met – no, it didn’t go anywhere – but he was 100% normal, a cool guy, and paid for my margaritas. Just not my type. So while it can definitely work for some people, there’s just too much room for creeps.

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Not really an OK cupid if you ask me.

Grade: C+

Tinder

Tinder is like a combination of Facemash, the original site created by Mark Zuckerburg, and that show “Next!” on MTV.  Tinder is for the laziest of the lazy, where you can just browse through pictures of anyone nearby who has the app and click ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’ based on limited info. If two people “yes” each other, they have the option to chat via the app. It’s like shallow speed-dating! But it’s really, really entertaining. Seriously. Great for when you have some off-time at work or when you’re bored on long, drunk train rides home, Tinder allows those serious about meeting people to, well, talk seriously, and the rest of us to ask weird questions and use silly pick-up lines for fun. Something just tells me it’ll never be acceptable to say you met your boyfriend through an iPhone app, though, sorry boys.

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*Note – Because you can upload a max of 5 pictures, be aware these may not exactly represent what said Tinder match looks like. He is eliminating bad pics. A friend met up with a Tinder match at a club and he was not what he seemed. He was dubbed a “TinderFish” – Catfish, via Tinder. (Credit: Kim Z. and the JB crew for the awesome nickname.)

Grade: B+, solely for entertainment purposes

Craigslist

Okay okay hold on. I’m not suggesting anyone go browsing the personals section of Craigslist for a hot date. Just need to share one creative way two guys used Craigslist to find dates for their cousin’s wedding. The post called for two sisters or friends who were attractive and fun to join them for the Saratoga wedding, and included lots of funny pictures and silly facts about the two striking young gentlemen. Sound ridiculous? Far from. They’ve gotten 2,000 replies. Check it out.

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Wish I had thought of this for DG Semiformal.

And here’s the response:

http://digitallife.today.com/_news/2013/02/25/17087760-2-bad-boy-brothers-turn-to-craigslist-for-wedding-dates?chromedomain=todaynews

Wanna know who the girl who submitted the Journey song was? I’ll give you one guess 😉

Grade: A for those guys, D for everyone else because Craigslist can be sketchy

So dont worry, all you hopeless romantics, there is love for you out there. And if you can’t find it walking down the street, or at a bar, or through a friend, there are plenty of other ways for you to connect with someone. All you need is a charged batter, a WiFi signal, some pretty pictures, and a lot of trust in humanity. Best of luck, my friends!

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Day 280 – Why I’m Probably Not Going to my High School Reunion

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I received something in the mail a few weeks ago that really brought me back.

Back to a time of few to no responsibilities. A time when your “job” meant working four hour shifts in the mall or at the grocery store. A time when your parents chauffeured you to and from parties. A time when you were convinced your boyfriend of four-months was the man you were going to marry. A time when people were generally shittier versions of their current selves.

High School.

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Ugh, ugly thumb syndrome.

I received the invitation to my 5-year high school reunion and after some thought I think I’ve decided not to go. Why? Because there are just some people that I’m okay with never seeing again. And if life decides to have us cross paths? Okay. But it doesn’t mean I need to subject myself to that happening inside my high school cafeteria.

But for those of you who do plan on going, here’s my prediction on who you’ll be interacting with.

The Five People You’ll See at Your High School Reunion

5. The Principal/Dean/Guidance Counselor

In high school, I used to wear sunglasses on my head as an accessory almost every day (Foreshadowing that I’d be in college in Miami?), and it drove my principal crazy. I’d walk from my locker towards my homeroom and there she’d wait, in the same spot, and swipe them off my head as I walked by. “You’re inside now, Ms. Chuber,” she’d remind me. And I’d nod, wait till she was out of sight, and then push them back onto my head.

Whatever your relationship was with members of authority in high school, chances are you were way more of a douchebag then than you are now. And so you’ll probably have to deal with Past You’s annoying attitude when you interact with these individuals. Maybe you spent a lot of time in detention. Or in the Dean’s office. Or being dramatic to your guidance counselor. Whatever it was, the faculty will definitely remember you because of some particular detail. And they’re going to bring it up, at some point or another. I can hear Sister Kathleen now… “Where are your sunglasses, Kristen? Did you leave them down in Miami? Do you still wear them, whatever the weather?” Yes. Yes I do.

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4. The High School BFF

This is someone that normally, you’d love to catch up with! The girl/guy you were super close to for four years. They’re the person you went out with on the weekends, spent your free periods with planning your Sweet 16, and gossiped with about boys in adjacent bathroom stalls. Yet you two may have drifted, such is life, and years may have passed since you two have spoken. While I personally would enjoy catching up with my high school best friends, within the confines of a high school reunion, it may feel unnatural.

A few things may happen. First, you may experience what any fellow How I Met Your Mother fans will understand as “Revertigo,” where in order to make interaction normal, you revert back to the high school version of yourself. So if you two were notoriously boy crazy, the first thing you would probably ask would be, “So, what’s your guy situation right now??” You’d take MySpace style pictures and maybe even upload them to Facebook. #besties #reunited. Or maybe something came between the two of you in order to end the BFFriendship, and that event/person will be the elephant in the room for the extent of your conversation. Or maybe you’ll assume you can just pick up where you left off and maybe it’ll be much harder than you thought because one of you went through a drastic life change like giving up drinking or going brunette. There’s definitely potential for awkwardness there. So just beware.

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3. The Person Who Not-S0-Secretly Hates You

Whether or not it’s out in the open, there’s that person that you know just isn’t a fan of yours. Maybe it’s because you made fun of them in gym class for being a total weirdo or because you dated her boyfriend after they broke up “even though she said it was okay.” But by no means are you friends, and they’re definitely not trying to be.   You might try to avoid them, or maybe you’ll do the opposite, and try to be overly sweet to make up for your less than happy memories with this person. Regardless, you should probably keep an eye out, in case you’re on their hitlist.

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2. Your High School Worst Enemy

Everyone had a worst enemy in high school. The person that you absolutely could not stand. So much so, that on graduation day, you thanked your lucky stars you’d be rid of her for good. And you’ve managed to avoid her for five years. But here you are, going to your high school reunion, knowing she will be there. It’s not that you care about the drama anymore; after all, it was five years ago. But there is ZERO part of you that wants to see this person. Ever again.

And that’s okay. While most of the problems that existed between high schoolers was based on immaturity and probably just boredom, you don’t need to reach out to every person you disliked in the past and attempt to rekindle a friendship. As long as you can both be civil if and when you run into each other somewhere, that is enough. No need to force a friendship just to prove you’re not the grotsky little beotch you were in 10th grade.

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1. A Horrible Version of Yourself That You Want To Forget Forever

“I was probably the best version of myself in high school,” said no one ever. We all thought we were the coolest thing since ice pops, and let’s face it – we weren’t. I would truly love to shake High School Kristen by her shoulders, letting her giant hoop earrings swing back and forth smacking her in the face, and tell her that she’s a giant tool and to STOP. I want to say, “No, Kristen, you should NOT have a Xanga! Your future college friends are going to find it and never let you live it down!” Being back in my high school, looking at old pictures, and talking about 15 year old me is only going to remind me of how lame and obnoxious everyone was in high school. And by everyone I mean primarily myself.

mean girls

So I don’t think I’ll be attending my high school reunion this time around.

I’d rather catch up like normal people. And grab a coffee with someone I recently reconnected with on Facebook. Or get a big group together and go to a bar. And chat about the latest episode of the Bachelor or how hot that guy I dumped in 12th grade got and whether or not the 10th grade English teacher ever hooked up with a student or, my favorite, how awkward our past selves were. And I don’t think I need to pay $50 and feel awkward for 3 hours in order to reunite with people from my past.

Plus, thanks to social media, it’s really easy to reach out and get back in touch with people. If and when I want to reconnect with some friends from the “old days,” its nice to know that everyone is just a Facebook message, a Tweet, a text, or an e-mail away. With the technology available to us, reunions aren’t really necessary anymore. In fact, we probably already know a lot about what everyone has been up to thanks to that technology. I’ve seen your new apartment on Instagram, saw your Tweet about working for Goldman Sachs, and noticed you updated your Facebook to include NYU Medical School under your Education. 

Regardless, I hope everyone has fun. And I’ll strongly consider attention The Mary Louis Academy’s 10-year reunion in 2018 🙂

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The girls who made high school a little less crappy. June 1, 2008.

Day 275 – Your Single Best Valentine’s Day Ever

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Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

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…But is it really happy?

For the past few days, all I’ve been seeing all over social media is single girls complaining about their lack of Valentines. I get it. It’s nice to have someone to buy you presents and take you out to dinner and shower you with love and kisses and chocolates and things that you can take pictures of and upload to Facebook to make everyone else jealous of you. But hey. I wish I had that every day, not just Valentine’s Day. So what’s the big deal about today? WHY do single girls make such a big deal about this stupid, lonely, cold, February day???

I was one of you not too long ago. But not anymore, ladies. Let this be the year you have a great Valentine’s Day because you’re single. Not even though you’re single. Here are some ways to make your Valentine’s Day the Single Best Valentine’s Day Ever.

5. List the People You Really Love

Remind yourself of all those you care about on this special day that my hibachi chef the other night refers to as “Love Day.” Here’s my list:

The guy in the deli who knows my coffee order when I walk in. He just warms my heart (and the rest of me….cause coffee is hot….get it…)
The sexy LIRR conductor who wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day today and winked at me.
My dad (unless I don’t come home to flowers today then he’s scratched from da list…sorry Daddy)
Ryan Gosling (“If I met Ryan Gosling in a bar….I’d make out with him”)
My dog. Actually all dogs. Woof.
The bartender who will give me a free drink tonight (Don’t know who you are yet but I know we’ll be meeting soon)
Jon Snow

Aww, Guys, Jon got me a puppy for Valentine's Day!

Aww, Guys, Jon got me a puppy for Valentine’s Day!

4. Make Fun of Your Exes

I want to write a petition to rename Valentine’s Day “Make Fun of Your Exes” day. You know there is a ex-boyfriend or ex-something in your life that has gained weight, is dating a not-so-cute girl, lost his job, got a bad haircut…etc. Make fun of him today. Celebrate being better off without him. Wouldn’t you rather be single than still dating him??? If he liked it, then he should’ve put a ring on it.

Let it out. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

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3. Enjoy the Lazy Night You’ve Been Dying to Have

I don’t know about you, but a lot of the time, people will ask me to hang out and I feel obliged to go, even though what I really want to do is lay in bed, drink wine, eat microwavable food, turn my phone off, and just have a night to myself. If you have no other plans and promise not to watch romance flicks, have a lazy night in tonight. Order chinese and watch an intense action flick with your dog. Skip the gym, wear sweatpants and no makeup, and don’t worry about impressing anyone (except your mom who never thought you’d be able to finish the entire order of lo mein by yourself).

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2. Snag Single Dudes

Believe me when I say this is the best night to go out with all your girlfriends. Why? Because every guy you meet will be single. If he’s not, he’ll be out with his girlfriend. This is your chance to find your date for Valentine’s Day 2014. So get all dressed up, do some single-mingling tonight, have an awesome night, and make all your friends who are having boring nights with their boyfriends’ jealous.

*Warning* – Some guys may be out because they’re looking for “desperate, single girls alone on Valentine’s Day.” Be one step ahead of the game. Work them for all their wallets are worth and dip out while you’re ahead. #winning

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And most importantly…

1. Love Yourself

If this day is all about love, why not love the most important person in your life? Yourself! Be as selfish as possible. Buy yourself lingerie. Splurge on a manicure or that new lipstick you’ve been eyeing. Take a bubble bath. Drink your favorite wine. Hell, drink a margarita if that’s what you prefer. YOU DO YOU, BABY GIRL.

iloveme

Enjoy Valentine’s Day if you have a date tonight. Enjoy it more if you don’t. This day of love doesn’t mean you need to be in a committed relationship. Celebrate whatever it is that you love most. Whether that’s food, friends, wine, relaxation, partying, being single, or your boyfriend.

And just remember, no matter how bad today may seem, it could be worse. You could be Taylor Swift.

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Also, this. Because I just had to.

Day 267 – ‘Effing February

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So as everyone knows this past weekend was Super Bowl VWXYZ (too many Roman numerals) and while I personally didn’t care who won, I know that people everywhere were SUPER HYPED to watch the Ravens take on the 49ers. I didn’t watch much of it (mostly just the commercials and the halftime show) but according to my dad, Ray Lewis, Joe Flacco and the Ravens put on a pretty amazing performance before they took home the Vince Lombardi trophy to Baltimore. While it must feel good to be a Raven right now, my heart goes out to the San Fran fans.

It’s gotta be rough watching your team lose when you’re that close to winning it all. That feeling of loss; your high expectations coming crashing down before your very eyes; true heartbreak. I imagine there’s only one other group of people that feel the same type of disappointment as fans of the team who lost the Super Bowl.

Singles on Valentine’s Day.

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Don’t worry Vernon, you still have time to find a Valentine.

But seriously. There are a lot of ways that these two groups of people are alike. Let’s consider some things that will probably be said, thought, or done by either a fan of the losing Super Bowl team or a single girl on Valentine’s day.

I need a drink.”

Whether it’s pounding beer post game or wine to the face all night, most people turn to alcohol to fill the emptiness after an Super Bowl loss/V-day alone. Which is good because there’s usually a lot of beer to go around at SB parties and plenty of wine in single girls’ apartments.

Overeating.

  • “Goddammit, Pete finished all the nachos!!” “Leave him alone…he’s drunk and depressed that the Niners’ lost. Poor kid.”
  • “Kris, have you seen the rest of those Valentine’s chocolates? I could’ve sworn I bought a whole bag…” “…you did, okay?!!”

“Ugh, look how happy they are…..I ‘effing hate them.”

  • Niners’ Fan: In reference to Ravens fans at the parade in Baltimore celebrating
  • Single Girl: In reference to anyone in a relationship or smiling on Valentine’s Day

Avoiding Facebook/Twitter/Instagram like the plague.

Also known as “The Ostrich Method.” (Sticking your head under the ground. Everyone can see you, but you don’t care. You just don’t want to see or hear anything going on around you. Ignorance is bliss, my friends.) No one wants to see all the pictures of bouquets of flowers or Vernon Davis crying all over their newsfeed. It’s just easier to pretend that none of it is happening. Lalalalalalalalala moving on.

“There’s always next year I guess.”

The ever-hopeful mentality that although you may be a loser/alone this year, next year you’ll have a trophy/boyfriend.

Crying.

Because sad.

“Whatever, at least I’m not…

  • Niners’ Fan: …a Jets fan.”
  • Single Girl: …desperate enough to apply to be on The Bachelor.”

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So for those of you who had to suffer through one of these painful holidays in Effing February…I have the solution.

BEYONCE.

Guys: Beyonce performed better than anyone else on that field…let’s be serious. So how about we consider both teams losers and just say Beyonce won? (Cause like she did.)

Ladies: NEED I REMIND YOU OF THIS??? So put that wine bottle down.

 

You’re welcome. Queen B has done it again. We can all have a Happy February after all.