Tag Archives: 2013

A Fantasy Love Life

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It’s Week 11 of the Fantasy Football season and I’m in 4th place in my league, so you can say things are getting pretty serious. This is my first year participating in this phenomenon that all our brothers, friends, dads and boyfriends are all obsessed with for all of football season, and let me tell you – it’s quite fun. It gives being a football fan another reason to be competitive even when your team is sucking (thanks Jets). Also, boys think you’re a total catch when you tell them you play fantasy!!!!!!!

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I named my team Colin Kaeperlick-me for a reason, ladies.

While texting interchangeably about football and potential new boyfriends one night, Daniella and I came to the strange conclusion that operating within the love life of a twenty-something is essentially the same as managing your fantasy football team. How you ask? Lets go through the details of fantasy football and examine how each directly relates to how you, the owner of your team, can take control of your relationships.

The Draft

Like every football season, your fantasy season begins with a draft. Here is where you select your players (aka the boys you want to have on your radar). In girl world, this is known is “Calling Dibs.” That way you and your friends are not all trying to have the same player on your team. Clarify who-gets-who and you eliminate not only competition, but also, totally avoid friend fights! Woo!

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Hopefully there are enough good contenders out there for all of you.

Your Starters

Once you’ve got your team drafted, you have to decide who is going to be in your starting line-up, aka, the dudes you are going to primarily focus on. Let’s do a quick breakdown of a few of the positions so you can decide who you need to place in which slots to ensure a win for you each match-up.

  • Quarterback – Your QB is a crucial player, and you want someone who is going to perform well against most other teams’ defensive lines. Girl world: Here’s a dude that you want to make sure can withstand any crowd of girls that surrounds him. Probably a pretty boy, who doesn’t know how cute he is, and thinks you’re the prettiest and funniest girl in the bar and will always lob a drink right into your hand. He’ll toss you texts daily and throw you lots of attention. So as long as he’s not injured or on a bye-week (aka he stayed in to play video games instead of going to the bar), he should be someone who’s going to always give you points.
  • Wide Receiver – Placing a WR is tough because week in and week out; it’s very hard to project how many points they will get for you. Even some of the best WRs out there will have slow weeks here and there. So while they are great for a fun night out once and a while, sometimes they’re just going to suck. Reserve this spot for the super hot guy who invites you and all your friends out to get into a hot club for free on one weekend, but that you don’t necessarily want to deal with the following weekend. Probably not BF material, but in the dating world, good to have around.
  • Running Back – This, ladies, is the position that you need to fill with your leading men. They are able to win you points in a multitude of ways (passing, running, etc). These are your all around guys, and probably the ones you’re going to want to LOCK DOWN. They’re fun, they’re handsome, they can pay for your drinks but aren’t flashy with their money. They like playing beer pong AND dancing, and look good in button-downs or their favorite NFL jersey. Draft a great running back so you know that when the weather gets cold and you wanna settle down, you have someone to watch Love Actually and drink Pinot Noir with.
  • Kicker – While your kicker can randomly surprise you sometimes, from a fantasy standpoint, he’s usually nothing to write home about. Good to have around on like, a Monday night, when you just want to hang out, grab a beer at the local bar, and watch the game. Don’t drag them along and definitely give them a chance to shine, because there might be that one game where he saves you from what would’ve been a devastating loss or surprises you with flowers after a shitty day at work.
  • Defense/Special Teams – These are your guy friends. They get you some points, but not the way a QB, RB, or WR will. Once and while there will be an interception and one of your guy friends can magically turn into the perfect boyfriend, but for the most part, they just need to stand their ground. Block out the creepers. Help you with your fantasy team lineups to impress the other boys. (Realistically these are the bros we’ll probably all marry but we’re too young and crazy to realize it yet. Thanks for sticking by us, Defense. We’ll come around eventually.)
Yes, Yes, Yes &  Yes Please

Yes, Yes, Yes & Yes Please

Your Bench

Just like we all had safety schools when applying to college, and just like real/fantasy football teams have players who sit on the bench, we need our back up dudes. When things fall through, when the guy you’ve decided on gets hurt or added to IR or decides he’s not ready to commit to a team or something, you’ll have a few back-ups to pull up to your starting roster. Consider yourself unaffected when you have to replace a starter with someone from your bench.

Adding, Dropping, & Trading

Here is the beauty of fantasy football/the dating world. You can drop players whenever you feel like. Not giving you enough points week after week? Failing to return your texts often enough? Drop them. It’s as easy as the click of a few buttons. “Are you sure you want to drop this player?” Hit yes. Just do it.

Because then, take a glance at the free agent pool! See who’s available to pick up off the waiver wire. If they’re not yet owned by someone, pick them up! Sit them on the bench for a backup, or if you’re feeling confident, slide him right into your starting roster.

Trading….meh. I’m not a huge fan of trading anyone my starting lineup on my fantasy team or in real life. But if you and the members of the league can come to a mutual agreement…then trade away.

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SO BASICALLY. What I’m trying to say is that managing a Fantasy Football team is 100 times easier than organizing the social calendar of a single girl. So ladies, if you can master yours, I give you permission to do a full on touchdown dance.

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*Disclaimer: A quick reminder that this in regards to dating in New York City. As in letting boys take us out for dinners and drinks, and figuring out which lucky playa is gonna change his ways and settle down with us. Just in case anyone had the wrong idea.

Lata, bitches, good luck with the rest of your season!!!

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Day 254 – Cold Weather Survival Guide

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So this is what my walk from Penn Station to my office building looked like this morning:

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It was real rough. High of 20 degrees for the day, wind chill at 0 degrees… It’s no wonder I booked a flight back to Miami yesterday afternoon. This is some beyond-the-wall nonsense and I never agreed to any of it. So unless I’m cuddling with Jon Snow in a snug little castle I really shouldn’t have to deal with this.

Born and raised in Queens, I should probably be more equipped to deal with these wintery temperatures but four years in South Florida has thinned my blood. I mean, by senior year, I was pulling on Ugg boots when the temps hit the high 50s, even low 60s. Spoiled. Spoiled rotten. And now here I am completely unprepared for life in the tundra that is New York City.

To my friends from the northeast still enjoying the South Florida weather, I’m making this post your Cold Weather Survival Guide so that you may be more prepared than I was for these frigid January temps. The following are some things that are essential to own or do during your first winter home in NYC/anywhere else in the northeast:

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The biggest, warmest, fuzziest slippers possible. I think the worst feeling for me thus far has been having to tip-toe across the FREEZING COLD tile floor of my bathroom to get in the shower on these frosty winter mornings. Keep your tootsies toasty in some slippas.

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The blanket cocoon is an absolute necessity when trying to go to sleep at night (especially for those of you with bedrooms in the basement…aka…me). To Properly Cocoon: Lay in pencil pose at one end of the blanket holding the edge against you and roll across the bed until you are entirely cocooned. Then, when you’re wrapped like a taquito, lift your legs an tuck the end under so that the bottom flap won’t let any frigid air in. Voila. Blanket cocoon. See below for demonstration.

Blanket Cocoon

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Chapstick. Seriously. Don’t go ANYWHERE without it or your lips will actually fall off of your face and no one will ever kiss you EVER AGAIN.

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Snuggies. Underrated because it actually is convenient for a blanket to have sleeves (unless of course you’re trying to blanket cocoon [see above] in which case a Snuggie is not ideal). But seriously. You’re under a blanket, nice and warm, and don’t even need to take your arm out from under it as you reach for your….

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…steamy hot beverage. I have never drank more hot tea than I have the past few weeks. I think my BTC (blood tea content) is definitely through the roof, but I’m okay with it because there’s nothing I want to be more than hot blooded in these cold winter months.

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One of these. Which apparently are called Spirithoods even though I’ve always referred to them as “Fuzzy Animal Hats With Paws Attached” which I still think is a much better name for them, but whatever. I’m a fan and they’re super cozy. Plus, you can take really cute SnapChats in them to send to people captioned “Rawr! *kitty emoji*” and it makes everyone all warm inside, and remember, warm = good.

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Bake things. Baked goodies make everyone feel a little warmer, whether it’s the actual extra layer they’re adding onto your hips or just the enjoyment of some sweet, melty goodness on a cold winter night. Like the Brownie Cupcakes with a Reese’s Center that I made last week. Cook brownie batter in cupcake tins, but put a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in the middle while you’re pouring in the batter and bake for 20 mins. on 375 degrees. Throw them in the microwave for 15 seconds before you eat them and prepare for hot peanut butter magma spilling out of a rich chocolately cupcake volcano. HOT.

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And my last and final piece of advice on staying warm in the winter is visiting warm places. Yup. I’ll be migrating south for a weekend in February back to Miami to escape this wretched winter!!!!!11 It’s the only real way to stay warm in sub-freezing temps. Miami, here I come! (Though I should probably lay off the baked goods [above] if I’m going to be wearing a bikini again fairly soon…)

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So in conclusion…………………….

……………………….winter sucks.

Stay warm, everybody!

P.S. THIS:

cutest dog ever

Day 234 – What Not To Do In 2013

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I know I resolved not to really make any resolutions for the New Year. But still, when given a fresh start, it’s hard not to consider making some changes. I’ve been thinking about things that I’ve done in the past that maybe it’s time to stop doing.

So rather than me listing you things I will resolve to do, here’s my “What Not To Do in 2013” list:

10. Putting the lid of my Starbucks drink on the counter without putting a napkin down first. Advice brought to you by Jess Pester who watched me do this without realizing how many germs I was allowing into my delicious latte and informed me of my error. Gross. Kill me.

9. Confusing late night boredom for hunger. Just because the Law and Order SVU marathon has finally ended, doesn’t mean I need to make a  grilled cheese sandwich at 11:30 pm. Though for some reason they seem to taste better late at night than at any other time of the day.

8. Texting and Driving. Even though I can literally text with my eyes closed  I do it so often, it’s better to be safe than sorry. But seriously, everyone should get on board with this one.

7. Going to the same restaurant/bar all the time. There is more to life than Blockheads on 33rd and 3rd. Like Caliente Cab down the block.

6. Texting ex-boyfriends. That’s NOT gonna fly in 2013. Responding is okay if they text first though. Baby steps.

5. Going commando. Really not entirely appropriate for anywhere except laying on the couch in sweatpants watching Law and Order marathons and bored-eating (see #9). In which case, this is null and void.

4. Drinking like I’m still in college. Seriously. It’s taking a toll on my body and I end up doing stupid stuff (see #6) and the hangovers are 10x worse and I JUST CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE OKAY?!??!?

3. Going to bed SUPER SUPER LATE for no reason. It makes me feel like crap the next day, and I end up having to by two coffees instead of one morning coffee, and if I’m tired enough, I’ll even put the lid down without a napkin (see #10).

2. Buying clothes a size smaller so that “When I lose 5 more pounds, I’ll fit into them!” I’m just setting myself up for failure.

1. Stealing my mom’s wine after she goes to sleep. …JK that’s totally still gonna happen but it’ll be cute to watch me try for a few weeks.

New Years Res

~Happy 2013!~

Day 228 – Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

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~Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Holidays to all!~

Here we are, only three days away until the end of the year. Usually around this time of year I sit around and think of all the irresponsible, unhealthy, embarrassing behavior I’ve engaged in over the past twelve months, behavior I resolved not to engage in the year before, of course. But as 2012 draws to a close, I can’t help but reminisce on all the amazing things I was lucky enough to experience in what I’m absolutely positive was the best year of my life.

Where to begin…

Ringing in 2012 With Old Friends. I was lucky enough to begin this year with some of my oldest friends. In the close-knit neighborhood that is Bellerose, I was lucky enough to hold on to friends that I’ve known since kindergarten. It’s incredible – we’ve all stayed close, even through going to different high schools, different colleges, and just growing up in our own unique ways. But it was a great kickoff to 2012, being reminded that friendship is a strong bond and those whom you love will always be a phone call away, even if life begins to take you down different paths.

2012

Being a Party Girl and living the flirty, fresh, and fun life with my super cool friends. Which reminds me…

Las Vegas Spring Break 2012. The craziest trip I’ve ever been on. (Why anyone let us free in that city is beyond me.) Yet I couldn’t be happier that we went. We laughed, we cried, we won money, we lost money, we lost more money. We got cursed with crappy weather and almost got arrested (Berger), went to crazy clubs and saw mostly naked men dancing. It was the trip of a lifetime and I couldn’t have spent it with a better crew. Ze Vegas Crew.

Las Vegas

Being Tan. I was really tan in 2012. Like I just backstalked myself on Facebook…like seriously tan. Holy crap. Which reminds me…

Ultra Music Festival. Not gonna go crazy here but it was incredibly cool being part of something so huge. Say what you want about the EDM scene but there is something so magical about an event where you can wear butterfly antennae on your head and make out with trees and not only is it not really an issue, but you become a YouTube sensation in one day. Unfortunately, I didn’t take advantage of Miami Music Week during the first three years I spent in Miami so Ultra made for a good grand finale. Plus, I needed an excuse to wear next-to-nothing neon and put my hair in pigtails again for the first time since I was 11.

Ultra Tan

Ultra Tan

Getting Employed. I was one of the lucky ones to be employed even before the end of the school year (shout-out to VenueTap.com what what). It was a scary realization, the one that i came to  in the spring semester, that I should probably start looking for something to do with myself following graduation, or I’d be sitting on my couch all day every day…forever. Coming home and having a job for the summer was awesome – having it become my full time job was even more awesome. I’m lucky to have been given the opportunity that I was.

And Of Course…Graduation. Simultaneously the best and the worst day of my life. It was an accomplishment, no matter how common it is to graduate college these days. And to have my whole family there (minus my d-bag brother who thought his finals were more important..sheesh) to support me was amazing. Walking across the stage at the Bank United Center was surreal, and with the movement of some pretty string on top of a flat square hat, I went from “college student” to “college graduate.”

However, it also meant that I was saying goodbye to my home away from home, Miami, and Modesty. The girls whose floor I ended up on by chance (well, sort of), but became best friends with by choice. More like my sisters than my friends, the way we treated each others’ closets as our own, the way we’d fight over what to watch on TV for hours, the way we’d share our thoughts and experiences in full, and sometimes too much, detail. You became my second family. And in that sense, graduation was the worst thing that could ever happen. But what a ride, huh? And like I said previously, I know you’re all only a phone call away. Or a group chat message away.

The Weirdest People You Will Ever Meet

The Weirdest People You Will Ever Meet

So it’s a bittersweet end to an incredible year, but I’m looking forward to making next year even better. I’m not wasting time making the same resolutions I make yearly (Losing weight! Being more organized! Blah blah blah!). Instead, I’m just resolving to make 2013 AWESOME. The Year of Awesome. With awesome blog posts and awesome clothes and awesome things happening and awesome hair etc.

New Years

And so it begins in 3 (days)…2…1…

Happy New Year, everybody 🙂