Tag Archives: Beyonce

Day 267 – ‘Effing February

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So as everyone knows this past weekend was Super Bowl VWXYZ (too many Roman numerals) and while I personally didn’t care who won, I know that people everywhere were SUPER HYPED to watch the Ravens take on the 49ers. I didn’t watch much of it (mostly just the commercials and the halftime show) but according to my dad, Ray Lewis, Joe Flacco and the Ravens put on a pretty amazing performance before they took home the Vince Lombardi trophy to Baltimore. While it must feel good to be a Raven right now, my heart goes out to the San Fran fans.

It’s gotta be rough watching your team lose when you’re that close to winning it all. That feeling of loss; your high expectations coming crashing down before your very eyes; true heartbreak. I imagine there’s only one other group of people that feel the same type of disappointment as fans of the team who lost the Super Bowl.

Singles on Valentine’s Day.

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Don’t worry Vernon, you still have time to find a Valentine.

But seriously. There are a lot of ways that these two groups of people are alike. Let’s consider some things that will probably be said, thought, or done by either a fan of the losing Super Bowl team or a single girl on Valentine’s day.

I need a drink.”

Whether it’s pounding beer post game or wine to the face all night, most people turn to alcohol to fill the emptiness after an Super Bowl loss/V-day alone. Which is good because there’s usually a lot of beer to go around at SB parties and plenty of wine in single girls’ apartments.

Overeating.

  • “Goddammit, Pete finished all the nachos!!” “Leave him alone…he’s drunk and depressed that the Niners’ lost. Poor kid.”
  • “Kris, have you seen the rest of those Valentine’s chocolates? I could’ve sworn I bought a whole bag…” “…you did, okay?!!”

“Ugh, look how happy they are…..I ‘effing hate them.”

  • Niners’ Fan: In reference to Ravens fans at the parade in Baltimore celebrating
  • Single Girl: In reference to anyone in a relationship or smiling on Valentine’s Day

Avoiding Facebook/Twitter/Instagram like the plague.

Also known as “The Ostrich Method.” (Sticking your head under the ground. Everyone can see you, but you don’t care. You just don’t want to see or hear anything going on around you. Ignorance is bliss, my friends.) No one wants to see all the pictures of bouquets of flowers or Vernon Davis crying all over their newsfeed. It’s just easier to pretend that none of it is happening. Lalalalalalalalala moving on.

“There’s always next year I guess.”

The ever-hopeful mentality that although you may be a loser/alone this year, next year you’ll have a trophy/boyfriend.

Crying.

Because sad.

“Whatever, at least I’m not…

  • Niners’ Fan: …a Jets fan.”
  • Single Girl: …desperate enough to apply to be on The Bachelor.”

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So for those of you who had to suffer through one of these painful holidays in Effing February…I have the solution.

BEYONCE.

Guys: Beyonce performed better than anyone else on that field…let’s be serious. So how about we consider both teams losers and just say Beyonce won? (Cause like she did.)

Ladies: NEED I REMIND YOU OF THIS??? So put that wine bottle down.

 

You’re welcome. Queen B has done it again. We can all have a Happy February after all.

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Day Ninety-Two – *Star Struck*

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Last week I started working two side jobs for the company. One of the jobs is at XVI, a rooftop lounge on the west side of Manhattan. I’ll be working at the door of the bar during it’s weekly Happy Hour, organizing reservations and keeping track of how many people attend. It’s a sweet gig – I get to look all profesh and more in-the-know than the rest of the people walking down 48th Street. Plus, the bouncers are funny as hell and XVI is a pretty cool spot to be associated with.

How cool, you may ask? Well, below is a picture of one of the attendees this past Thursday evening.

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H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A, Jazzy, the Jigga Man, lyrical genius Shawn Carter himself, JAY Z.
No big deal.

Needless to say, I felt pretty important and definitely didn’t text all my friends immediately to tell them he had just walked into the lounge I was working at!!!! …Okay, so maybe I did. But hey, it’s my first night of work and a serious celebrity walks right up to the door I’m working at? That’s pretty cool.

I have to say, though, I was proud of myself for not turning into a starry-eyed celeb-obsessed fan, trying to snap pics as he walked by. I am by no means downplaying seeing Jay Z at all, but had it been Beyonce who walked past me, it may have been a different story. After all, she is perfect, God’s gift to the music industry and to mankind, described perfectly by my friend Brooke as “the $1,000 sundae at Seredipity.” She probably would have flown in past me with angel wings, with “Halo” playing majestically as she entered through the threshold of the venue. I would have most likely begged her to simply touch my arm, and upon arriving home, changed the name of my blog to “92 Days After I Graduated, Beyonce Touched Me” and never posted again. Because I would’ve died of happiness.

There are probably a list of about five celebrities that I would go “fan crazy” for. Like sweaty, nervous, speechless, giggling, too-awkward-to-communicate-like-a-human crazy. You all already know number one…

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Is she even real?

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Oh, Britney. The Britney pictured above was an idol to teenage Kristen like no other. One of the only times in my life I was happy to have worn a uniform to school every day, the Hit Me Baby One More Time video inspired me to never underestimate the power of a school-girl outfit. For me, Brit will never go out of style. It doesn’t matter that she once went crazy and shaved her head! Or that she spontaneously got married once in Vegas! Isn’t that what every girl wants to do anyway? Ugh, Brit, you’re a vision, and one of the reasons I will never dye my hair.

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If you know me at all, you know that the Harry Potter series has always been a huge part of my life. In fact, upon finishing the last of the 7 books, I actually cried into the pages because I acknowledged that my childhood was coming to an end as Harry’s years at Hogwarts concluded. I will watch any of the movies, at any time of the day, even if I watched it the day before.Hell, I’ll watch it two times in a row and still enjoy it just as much. My obsession hit a peak when I visited Universal Studios with my family last summer and saw Hogwarts for the first time. I was actually speechless. My mom says I had the same expression on my face when I saw Mickey Mouse for the first time as a 3-year-old as when I first stepped into on the castle. Like all my childhood dreams were coming to life, right before my eyes. And it’s for this reason that if I were to ever come into contact with any of the actors from the movies, I’d probably just fall to the ground. To me, they’re not Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint. They’re Harry, Ron, and Hermoine. Forever.

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Captain America. I chose an animated version of this super hero because I’m wildly attracted to pretty much anyone in a Captain America costume. Like on the vacation to Universal Studios I previously mentioned, I actually couldn’t stop giggling while I took a picture with the guy dressed like Captain America. That being said, I’m sure my reaction to Chris Evans in the suit would entirely stop my heart. Guess who I’ll be looking for this Halloween? Boys…you’ve been warned.

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QUAID. Dennis Quaid. When I was young, you were the super-cool dad that worked on the vineyard in California, with a golden retriever, who let me ride horses and switch places with the identical twin sister I met at summer camp and was still in love with my British mom. Today, you’re still the dad from Parent Trap, but now, you’re a hot dad. And who doesn’t love hot dads? I can’t really explain the obsession with Dennis Quaid, but it exists. And I’m pretty sure if I saw him in person, I’d hug the crap out of him, and I wouldn’t be able to let go.

So there’s my Star Struck list. Thank you in advance for not judging me.

And thank you, cool new job, for getting me closer to meeting the angel that is Beyonce Knowles.