Tag Archives: dating

A Fantasy Love Life

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It’s Week 11 of the Fantasy Football season and I’m in 4th place in my league, so you can say things are getting pretty serious. This is my first year participating in this phenomenon that all our brothers, friends, dads and boyfriends are all obsessed with for all of football season, and let me tell you – it’s quite fun. It gives being a football fan another reason to be competitive even when your team is sucking (thanks Jets). Also, boys think you’re a total catch when you tell them you play fantasy!!!!!!!

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I named my team Colin Kaeperlick-me for a reason, ladies.

While texting interchangeably about football and potential new boyfriends one night, Daniella and I came to the strange conclusion that operating within the love life of a twenty-something is essentially the same as managing your fantasy football team. How you ask? Lets go through the details of fantasy football and examine how each directly relates to how you, the owner of your team, can take control of your relationships.

The Draft

Like every football season, your fantasy season begins with a draft. Here is where you select your players (aka the boys you want to have on your radar). In girl world, this is known is “Calling Dibs.” That way you and your friends are not all trying to have the same player on your team. Clarify who-gets-who and you eliminate not only competition, but also, totally avoid friend fights! Woo!

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Hopefully there are enough good contenders out there for all of you.

Your Starters

Once you’ve got your team drafted, you have to decide who is going to be in your starting line-up, aka, the dudes you are going to primarily focus on. Let’s do a quick breakdown of a few of the positions so you can decide who you need to place in which slots to ensure a win for you each match-up.

  • Quarterback – Your QB is a crucial player, and you want someone who is going to perform well against most other teams’ defensive lines. Girl world: Here’s a dude that you want to make sure can withstand any crowd of girls that surrounds him. Probably a pretty boy, who doesn’t know how cute he is, and thinks you’re the prettiest and funniest girl in the bar and will always lob a drink right into your hand. He’ll toss you texts daily and throw you lots of attention. So as long as he’s not injured or on a bye-week (aka he stayed in to play video games instead of going to the bar), he should be someone who’s going to always give you points.
  • Wide Receiver – Placing a WR is tough because week in and week out; it’s very hard to project how many points they will get for you. Even some of the best WRs out there will have slow weeks here and there. So while they are great for a fun night out once and a while, sometimes they’re just going to suck. Reserve this spot for the super hot guy who invites you and all your friends out to get into a hot club for free on one weekend, but that you don’t necessarily want to deal with the following weekend. Probably not BF material, but in the dating world, good to have around.
  • Running Back – This, ladies, is the position that you need to fill with your leading men. They are able to win you points in a multitude of ways (passing, running, etc). These are your all around guys, and probably the ones you’re going to want to LOCK DOWN. They’re fun, they’re handsome, they can pay for your drinks but aren’t flashy with their money. They like playing beer pong AND dancing, and look good in button-downs or their favorite NFL jersey. Draft a great running back so you know that when the weather gets cold and you wanna settle down, you have someone to watch Love Actually and drink Pinot Noir with.
  • Kicker – While your kicker can randomly surprise you sometimes, from a fantasy standpoint, he’s usually nothing to write home about. Good to have around on like, a Monday night, when you just want to hang out, grab a beer at the local bar, and watch the game. Don’t drag them along and definitely give them a chance to shine, because there might be that one game where he saves you from what would’ve been a devastating loss or surprises you with flowers after a shitty day at work.
  • Defense/Special Teams – These are your guy friends. They get you some points, but not the way a QB, RB, or WR will. Once and while there will be an interception and one of your guy friends can magically turn into the perfect boyfriend, but for the most part, they just need to stand their ground. Block out the creepers. Help you with your fantasy team lineups to impress the other boys. (Realistically these are the bros we’ll probably all marry but we’re too young and crazy to realize it yet. Thanks for sticking by us, Defense. We’ll come around eventually.)
Yes, Yes, Yes &  Yes Please

Yes, Yes, Yes & Yes Please

Your Bench

Just like we all had safety schools when applying to college, and just like real/fantasy football teams have players who sit on the bench, we need our back up dudes. When things fall through, when the guy you’ve decided on gets hurt or added to IR or decides he’s not ready to commit to a team or something, you’ll have a few back-ups to pull up to your starting roster. Consider yourself unaffected when you have to replace a starter with someone from your bench.

Adding, Dropping, & Trading

Here is the beauty of fantasy football/the dating world. You can drop players whenever you feel like. Not giving you enough points week after week? Failing to return your texts often enough? Drop them. It’s as easy as the click of a few buttons. “Are you sure you want to drop this player?” Hit yes. Just do it.

Because then, take a glance at the free agent pool! See who’s available to pick up off the waiver wire. If they’re not yet owned by someone, pick them up! Sit them on the bench for a backup, or if you’re feeling confident, slide him right into your starting roster.

Trading….meh. I’m not a huge fan of trading anyone my starting lineup on my fantasy team or in real life. But if you and the members of the league can come to a mutual agreement…then trade away.

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SO BASICALLY. What I’m trying to say is that managing a Fantasy Football team is 100 times easier than organizing the social calendar of a single girl. So ladies, if you can master yours, I give you permission to do a full on touchdown dance.

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*Disclaimer: A quick reminder that this in regards to dating in New York City. As in letting boys take us out for dinners and drinks, and figuring out which lucky playa is gonna change his ways and settle down with us. Just in case anyone had the wrong idea.

Lata, bitches, good luck with the rest of your season!!!

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Day 336 – So You’re About To Graduate College…

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Yesterday afternoon, I spent some time browsing my Facebook and Twitter feeds and was overwhelmed by the amount of “Last undergrad class…EVER!” posts and tweets I saw. And I had a few reactions:

1) Congrats on making it to your last class! I slept through mine.

2) I’m not old enough to NOT be the youngest person in the workforce.

3) Where the hell did this year go?

I started this blog almost a full year ago to track my journey through my first post-graduate year and I’m in disbelief that I’m almost at Day 365. (*Note – I clearly did some math wrong along the way because on May 12th, the day after graduation, it will not be day 365. But don’t worry. Those of us in PR don’t really need to know numbers. Or counting.) But I guess I better start believing it, because I’m going to have to stop telling people I “just graduated college” and switched to “I graduated last year” when they ask what I’ve been doing with my life.

Anyways, now that I’m an expert in city life post-college (LOL), I’m gonna share with you youngin’s some fun facts and can’t-miss tips on how to get through year one of post-grad life. This is a compilation of my best advice in one list, SO LISTEN UP!!

10. Never underestimate the importance of Happy Hour.

Because it’s amazing. It’s cheap drinks, it’s handsome business-boys in shirts and ties, it’s like day-drinking sort of cause the sun is sometimes still out – essentially it’s everything I want in one place. Happy Hour becomes the go-to for dates, mini-reunions and hang outs. Because what you’ll come to realize is the “Come over and pregame before we go out on Thursday!” just won’t really excite people anymore, but “Wanna grab a few drinks after work on Thursday?” rolls off the tongue much more nicely.

9. Realize that you’re probably going to gain weight. Get a gym membership.

It starts slow. You start meeting up with friends for “a few drinks after work” a few times a week. You browse Yelp and find some cute new dinner spots. The weather gets cold, and Seamless comes into your life. You start ordering your lunch to the office – delivery. You sit at a desk from 9-5. Since it’s cold, you’re wearing layers. So no one’s noticing those extra pounds. All of a sudden, spring hits and your shorts are quiteeeee a bit tighter than they were last year. Yeah, it happens. Counteract it best you can by joining a gym or at the very least, going for a run once and a while. No matter how much it hurts.

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8. Learn how to budget your money.

Seriously. While my waistline was getting wider because of the above reasons, my wallet was getting thinner. If I had $5 for every time I wished I had taught myself the importance of saving money I wouldn’t have to worry about saving money. Maybe people are just generally better at this than me, but I would’ve loved to, before graduation, have taken like two seconds to remember that a penny earned doesn’t have to immediately become a penny spent.

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7. Visit your Alma Mater at least once (and try not to die while you’re there).

Homecoming. Go to it. Or any other random weekend. Visiting your college in the year following your graduation is like Christmas but better because it’s not cold and everyone actually really excited to see each other! It’s a mini-vacation, the closest thing you’ll get to Spring Break in your post-college career. The sub-point of advice within this point of advice – when drinking, don’t try to keep up with the college kids. Why? See my next point…

6. Drinking is harder. Learn how to adapt.

You’ll need to come to the conclusion on your own that you can’t drink nearly as much as you could in college after a few months at home. Between waking up early to get to work and just getting generally out of drinking shape, your 4-nights-a-week college rage-fests just don’t fit into a post-grads schedule. Instead, embrace new drinking activities, like Brunch, to fill the void left from giving up Tuesday night ladies nights or Thursday night binges. Believe me, being hungover at work is not a condition you want to be in often.

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5. Know that G-Chat is the new Facebook chat.

Yes, being in almost-constant communication with your besties remains important following college. So where group-texts fail (who can deal with their iPhone vibrating on their desk all day long?) and where Facebook reads ‘unprofessional,’ G-Chat becomes convenient and perfectly work-place acceptable. It was the most valuable secret of post-grad life. Inconspicuous chat windows can be disguised as e-mail drafts, all those super-important messages you’re about to send out to clients and colleagues. No one needs to know that it’s really links to your favorite BuzzFeed articles and other NSFW things. It’s a gem. A diamond in the rough. So necessary.

4. Enjoy being single.

Because as much as we all just wanted to settle down with a boyfriend after graduation and through most of the winter months (Oh, that was just me? Okay..), people still generally suck at being in relationships. And that’s okay. There are so many YoPros to meet, so many dates to be gone on, and so many fun things like Grouper to experiment with. It’s the most fun time in our lives to be on our own, going out with our friends, having cocktails with bankers and playing beer pong with fratty guys in “Murray Chill.”

3. Invest in a good set of wine glasses. 

You’re going to need them. “Wine nights” become your Sunday-Wednesday nights after college. You don’t need to schedule them like you used to with the roomies. Instead of, “Hey, anyone want to stay in and just have a few glasses of wine tonight?” the question is, “WHERE IS MY WINE OPENER?!” Wine. Always. Wine.

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2a. Go out a lot.

Explore the city, meet new people, try new drinks. There is more to see…than can ever be seen…more to do…than can ever be done…

2b. Stay in a lot.

It’s okay to stay in more, too. And it’s definitely okay to enjoy staying in. Because after a long day of work, sometimes all you want is to cuddle on the couch with your pup and a glass of wine and watch Game of Thrones reruns on Netflix. Which sounds like an ideal Friday night to me.

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1. Enjoy every minute.

While this year was a change, it was truly a great year. The first year out of college is a journey. You meet a ton of new people, have some incredible experiences, some ups, more downs. You’ll gain weight, you’ll lose weight. You’ll get screwed over by some douche you swore you’d never fall for again and refuse to date a nice guy who’d probably be nothing but amazing to you. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be late to work a few times. But overall, you’ll have a blast. Yes, college was the time of my life, and probably the time of yours too, but the fun doesn’t stop once you move the tassel, I promise. So take advantage of these last few weeks in school, and then feel free to take FULL advantage of the year that lies ahead of you.

Oh, and by the way, CONGRATULATIONS!

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Can’t believe this was a year ago. I miss and love you guys to pieces.

So where does that leave me? A blogger dedicated to exploring one year in post-grad life. I’ve got some ideas….Stay with me and you’ll see how I continue my journey through the blogosphere. 😉 I’m not going anywhere.

Day 286 – A Guide to Kinda-Sorta Creepy Ways to Meet New People

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“No one is looking for a relationship in college. Everyone just wants to have fun.” Said everyone who couldn’t find a boyfriend while they were in school.

What I’m trying to say is that was a phrase that may have come out of my mouth quite a bit during my four years in Miami…mostly because it was true. Right? IT’S TRUE RIGHT?? IT WASN’T JUST ME?!??

Anyway, here we are, 286 days since graduation, and now I’ve been telling a lot of my friends who are still in school, “No one is really looking for a relationship right out of college. Everyone is adjusting to post-grad life and just wants to have fun.” So where do you find the ones who do want a relationship?

Young adults are flocking to the web, their phones, and more to check out not only who’s single, but who’s looking to meet up for a drink, a few dates, or a relationship. It’s not really surprising, since our generation has become completely reliant on the Internet and our smart phones for everything from food delivery to catching up on our TV shows. That and we’re all totally lazy. Let’s explore the options for the tech-friendly-romantic who just seems to be looking for love in all the wrong places.

Kinda Sorta Creepy Ways to Meet People via Technology

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I’m just kinda T.O’ed because she hasn’t sent me a full body shot yet.

Grouper

I’m listing Grouper first because I think it is so funny and so cute and such a good idea because it requires that you actually have friends to do it. Essentially, you sign up with two friends, or “wingmen” as they list it on the site, and you get matched with another group of three. For $20 each, your drinks for the night are taken care of, and you’re on this pre-arranged super fun group date. I’ve had two friends go on it already, and both said it was actually a really enjoyable time.

Also, this:

Brilliant.

Grade: A

OK Cupid

I’m going to go ahead and share with you that I created an OKCupid account a little while back, just to see what it was all about. There were definitely some good and some bad aspects to it.

Here’s the good. A lot of the guys who make profiles understand that being funny and personable is key to getting people to trust that you are normal. Even better is some of them realize that the whole concept of OKCupid, well, online dating in general, is still fairly new, so if they do message you, they’ll need to tread lightly, and feel it out. A cheese pick-up line is okay, if it’s very obvious it’s a joke. Even better is if they can reference something you like based on your profile without just being like, “Oh, you like Ryan Gosling movies? Me too. He is good.” The bad? More people on the site do not realize these things. And send creepy. ass. messages. “Mmmm gurl lovin ur pics, wanna meet up?” Um…no. Like not even a little bit.

I did go on a date with someone I met – no, it didn’t go anywhere – but he was 100% normal, a cool guy, and paid for my margaritas. Just not my type. So while it can definitely work for some people, there’s just too much room for creeps.

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Not really an OK cupid if you ask me.

Grade: C+

Tinder

Tinder is like a combination of Facemash, the original site created by Mark Zuckerburg, and that show “Next!” on MTV.  Tinder is for the laziest of the lazy, where you can just browse through pictures of anyone nearby who has the app and click ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’ based on limited info. If two people “yes” each other, they have the option to chat via the app. It’s like shallow speed-dating! But it’s really, really entertaining. Seriously. Great for when you have some off-time at work or when you’re bored on long, drunk train rides home, Tinder allows those serious about meeting people to, well, talk seriously, and the rest of us to ask weird questions and use silly pick-up lines for fun. Something just tells me it’ll never be acceptable to say you met your boyfriend through an iPhone app, though, sorry boys.

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*Note – Because you can upload a max of 5 pictures, be aware these may not exactly represent what said Tinder match looks like. He is eliminating bad pics. A friend met up with a Tinder match at a club and he was not what he seemed. He was dubbed a “TinderFish” – Catfish, via Tinder. (Credit: Kim Z. and the JB crew for the awesome nickname.)

Grade: B+, solely for entertainment purposes

Craigslist

Okay okay hold on. I’m not suggesting anyone go browsing the personals section of Craigslist for a hot date. Just need to share one creative way two guys used Craigslist to find dates for their cousin’s wedding. The post called for two sisters or friends who were attractive and fun to join them for the Saratoga wedding, and included lots of funny pictures and silly facts about the two striking young gentlemen. Sound ridiculous? Far from. They’ve gotten 2,000 replies. Check it out.

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Wish I had thought of this for DG Semiformal.

And here’s the response:

http://digitallife.today.com/_news/2013/02/25/17087760-2-bad-boy-brothers-turn-to-craigslist-for-wedding-dates?chromedomain=todaynews

Wanna know who the girl who submitted the Journey song was? I’ll give you one guess 😉

Grade: A for those guys, D for everyone else because Craigslist can be sketchy

So dont worry, all you hopeless romantics, there is love for you out there. And if you can’t find it walking down the street, or at a bar, or through a friend, there are plenty of other ways for you to connect with someone. All you need is a charged batter, a WiFi signal, some pretty pictures, and a lot of trust in humanity. Best of luck, my friends!

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Day 275 – Your Single Best Valentine’s Day Ever

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Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

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…But is it really happy?

For the past few days, all I’ve been seeing all over social media is single girls complaining about their lack of Valentines. I get it. It’s nice to have someone to buy you presents and take you out to dinner and shower you with love and kisses and chocolates and things that you can take pictures of and upload to Facebook to make everyone else jealous of you. But hey. I wish I had that every day, not just Valentine’s Day. So what’s the big deal about today? WHY do single girls make such a big deal about this stupid, lonely, cold, February day???

I was one of you not too long ago. But not anymore, ladies. Let this be the year you have a great Valentine’s Day because you’re single. Not even though you’re single. Here are some ways to make your Valentine’s Day the Single Best Valentine’s Day Ever.

5. List the People You Really Love

Remind yourself of all those you care about on this special day that my hibachi chef the other night refers to as “Love Day.” Here’s my list:

The guy in the deli who knows my coffee order when I walk in. He just warms my heart (and the rest of me….cause coffee is hot….get it…)
The sexy LIRR conductor who wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day today and winked at me.
My dad (unless I don’t come home to flowers today then he’s scratched from da list…sorry Daddy)
Ryan Gosling (“If I met Ryan Gosling in a bar….I’d make out with him”)
My dog. Actually all dogs. Woof.
The bartender who will give me a free drink tonight (Don’t know who you are yet but I know we’ll be meeting soon)
Jon Snow

Aww, Guys, Jon got me a puppy for Valentine's Day!

Aww, Guys, Jon got me a puppy for Valentine’s Day!

4. Make Fun of Your Exes

I want to write a petition to rename Valentine’s Day “Make Fun of Your Exes” day. You know there is a ex-boyfriend or ex-something in your life that has gained weight, is dating a not-so-cute girl, lost his job, got a bad haircut…etc. Make fun of him today. Celebrate being better off without him. Wouldn’t you rather be single than still dating him??? If he liked it, then he should’ve put a ring on it.

Let it out. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

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3. Enjoy the Lazy Night You’ve Been Dying to Have

I don’t know about you, but a lot of the time, people will ask me to hang out and I feel obliged to go, even though what I really want to do is lay in bed, drink wine, eat microwavable food, turn my phone off, and just have a night to myself. If you have no other plans and promise not to watch romance flicks, have a lazy night in tonight. Order chinese and watch an intense action flick with your dog. Skip the gym, wear sweatpants and no makeup, and don’t worry about impressing anyone (except your mom who never thought you’d be able to finish the entire order of lo mein by yourself).

single girls say

2. Snag Single Dudes

Believe me when I say this is the best night to go out with all your girlfriends. Why? Because every guy you meet will be single. If he’s not, he’ll be out with his girlfriend. This is your chance to find your date for Valentine’s Day 2014. So get all dressed up, do some single-mingling tonight, have an awesome night, and make all your friends who are having boring nights with their boyfriends’ jealous.

*Warning* – Some guys may be out because they’re looking for “desperate, single girls alone on Valentine’s Day.” Be one step ahead of the game. Work them for all their wallets are worth and dip out while you’re ahead. #winning

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And most importantly…

1. Love Yourself

If this day is all about love, why not love the most important person in your life? Yourself! Be as selfish as possible. Buy yourself lingerie. Splurge on a manicure or that new lipstick you’ve been eyeing. Take a bubble bath. Drink your favorite wine. Hell, drink a margarita if that’s what you prefer. YOU DO YOU, BABY GIRL.

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Enjoy Valentine’s Day if you have a date tonight. Enjoy it more if you don’t. This day of love doesn’t mean you need to be in a committed relationship. Celebrate whatever it is that you love most. Whether that’s food, friends, wine, relaxation, partying, being single, or your boyfriend.

And just remember, no matter how bad today may seem, it could be worse. You could be Taylor Swift.

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Also, this. Because I just had to.

Day 267 – ‘Effing February

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So as everyone knows this past weekend was Super Bowl VWXYZ (too many Roman numerals) and while I personally didn’t care who won, I know that people everywhere were SUPER HYPED to watch the Ravens take on the 49ers. I didn’t watch much of it (mostly just the commercials and the halftime show) but according to my dad, Ray Lewis, Joe Flacco and the Ravens put on a pretty amazing performance before they took home the Vince Lombardi trophy to Baltimore. While it must feel good to be a Raven right now, my heart goes out to the San Fran fans.

It’s gotta be rough watching your team lose when you’re that close to winning it all. That feeling of loss; your high expectations coming crashing down before your very eyes; true heartbreak. I imagine there’s only one other group of people that feel the same type of disappointment as fans of the team who lost the Super Bowl.

Singles on Valentine’s Day.

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Don’t worry Vernon, you still have time to find a Valentine.

But seriously. There are a lot of ways that these two groups of people are alike. Let’s consider some things that will probably be said, thought, or done by either a fan of the losing Super Bowl team or a single girl on Valentine’s day.

I need a drink.”

Whether it’s pounding beer post game or wine to the face all night, most people turn to alcohol to fill the emptiness after an Super Bowl loss/V-day alone. Which is good because there’s usually a lot of beer to go around at SB parties and plenty of wine in single girls’ apartments.

Overeating.

  • “Goddammit, Pete finished all the nachos!!” “Leave him alone…he’s drunk and depressed that the Niners’ lost. Poor kid.”
  • “Kris, have you seen the rest of those Valentine’s chocolates? I could’ve sworn I bought a whole bag…” “…you did, okay?!!”

“Ugh, look how happy they are…..I ‘effing hate them.”

  • Niners’ Fan: In reference to Ravens fans at the parade in Baltimore celebrating
  • Single Girl: In reference to anyone in a relationship or smiling on Valentine’s Day

Avoiding Facebook/Twitter/Instagram like the plague.

Also known as “The Ostrich Method.” (Sticking your head under the ground. Everyone can see you, but you don’t care. You just don’t want to see or hear anything going on around you. Ignorance is bliss, my friends.) No one wants to see all the pictures of bouquets of flowers or Vernon Davis crying all over their newsfeed. It’s just easier to pretend that none of it is happening. Lalalalalalalalala moving on.

“There’s always next year I guess.”

The ever-hopeful mentality that although you may be a loser/alone this year, next year you’ll have a trophy/boyfriend.

Crying.

Because sad.

“Whatever, at least I’m not…

  • Niners’ Fan: …a Jets fan.”
  • Single Girl: …desperate enough to apply to be on The Bachelor.”

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So for those of you who had to suffer through one of these painful holidays in Effing February…I have the solution.

BEYONCE.

Guys: Beyonce performed better than anyone else on that field…let’s be serious. So how about we consider both teams losers and just say Beyonce won? (Cause like she did.)

Ladies: NEED I REMIND YOU OF THIS??? So put that wine bottle down.

 

You’re welcome. Queen B has done it again. We can all have a Happy February after all.

Day 260 – Unreal-ity TV

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More than once, my college roommates and I had discussions on what it would be like if all 7 of us were contestants on ABC’s The Bachelor at the same time. And to be honest with you, there is really only one word I can use to describe what it would be like.

Chaos.

Pure, unadulterated (and probably violent) chaos. Because that’s what it was when we all wanted to shower at the same time. Share a boyfriend? With a handful of other bikini-clad girls? No no no, that’s not something you’d want to unfold.

Mod Fight

Actual Photo. Taken November 2009.
Reason for Fight: Only One Mozzarella Stick Left.

So while it would be for our own safety not to cast us on the show, it would be great television. And up against any other crazies who weren’t already my roommates/best friends turned arch rivals when Sean Lowe walks in the room, we’d probably all have a pretty decent shot at winning The Bachelor.

As crazy as we’d sometimes get in my house, up against the psychotic bimbos that sign up to be on this show, I think we’d prove to be normal sober level-headed realistic less psychotic. Plus, it would be SO MUCH FUN.

But let’s clarify here. I know they call this reality TV, but there is nothing real about it. First and foremost, any drop-dead gorgeous, tan, chiseled, romantic, family oriented man who is ready to settle down and find a wife and start a family PROBABLY DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM FINDING LOVE. And if any are still out there, struggling so much that they’re considering going on national TV to find “the one,” please give him my number. Secondly, the dates. Are. Incredible. Not that I’m knocking any dates I’ve been on, but they don’t exactly compare to having an amusement park all to ourselves for the day (dream date!) or being treated to a shopping spree including a stop at Neil Lane.

In fact, compared to a lot of the other shows on television, things like The Bachelor are as far from “reality” as you can get. These girls literally leave their jobs and families (sometimes including their children that they gush about) to spend weeks at a Mansion in LA with a 24-hour margarita machine, 25 other crazy bitches, and a hot dude. Chyeah. That’s not real.

But…

Would anything really hold me back from going on the show if I had the chance? Probably not.  Have I filled out an application to be the Bachelorette? Maybe. Would I be okay spending the rest of my life with Sean Lowe? Yes.

Sean Lowe

Yes, Sean, I will accept this rose!
….No seriously, give it to me. NOW.

I’ll tell you this much. 365 Days in the Life of a Bachelor Contestant would probably be a much more entertaining blog than this one. So maybe you all should help me become the next Bachelorette. Just sayin’.

Day 242 – Defensive Driving vs. Relationships

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Every three years, my dad’s company organizes a Defensive Driving program through the NYSDMV and my family and most of my neighborhood always partakes in the classes. It’s convenient because my cousin teaches the class, it’s held right in my town in Queens, and in just 6 short hours, it helps reduce your insurance or knock points off your license. And it’s not like the classes are hard. It’s pretty much Drivers’ Ed all over again, reviewing the rules of the road, consequences of reckless behavior, and automobile safety tips. I recommend that all my friends take a class because you’re all shitty drivers. 

Anyway, I attended the class last night with my dad, and while the information was definitely helpful and my cousin was an amazing teacher, I found myself doing a lot of doodling, daydreaming, or texting my friends. And as I sat listening to all this talk about “being proactive and not reactive” and “anticipating the irresponsible and destructive decisions of others,” I realized that a lot of these tips are applicable to more than just life behind the wheel, but life in general. And specifically, to the relationships we as young adults find ourselves in. 

Okay, I admit I am by no means an expert on relationships, and probably anyone who knows me can attest that I couldn’t follow my own advice if it dragged me behind it on a leash. But just in case any of you do find wisdom in any help that I give you, read on, as I unleash the creative brilliance that is my next blog post.

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Defensive Driving vs Relationships

  • Defensive Driving: Before pulling out of a parking spot and onto the road for the first time, be sure to look all around you and be aware of your surroundings.
  • Relationships: Before getting involved in a relationship for the first time, be sure to examine the way this other person acts and be aware of your surroundings.

Are you going to be entering into a healthy relationship? Is this someone who has a lot of friends, someone who is well liked? Do your research! You wouldn’t pull out of your driveway without checking all your mirrors, or start driving a car that you weren’t sure worked properly. Be sure that the moves you’re making are smart ones, and don’t be afraid to do a little investigating first. Future you will thank present you. Who I guess by that point would be past you. But whatever.

  • Defensive Driving: It’s important not to exceed the speed limit; yet, be sure to always maintain a speed above the posted minimum.
  • Relationships: It’s important not to move too fast in a relationship; yet, be sure to keep things moving and not to drag your feet too much.

I’m sure most of us have been in situations where someone took things too seriously too fast (OMG, baby, can you believe it’s already our second week-iversary?) or where someone just moved too slowly. While you don’t want to rush into anything, doing the shy pull-away when he tries to kiss you after like, the 7th date, isn’t really going to progress things at all. Just feel it out, go with the flow.

  • Defensive Driving: Regular maintenance checks will prevent major mishaps on the road.
  • Relationships: Regular conversations will prevent major arguments down the road.

Okay, from what I see in every single one of the relationships around me is that no one ever has conversations about ANYTHING until they’ve been pissed about it for weeks. THAT WOULD BE LIKE if you were getting really low on gas, ignored it for days on end, and then all of a sudden you ran out and your car just died right there on the street (Which actually happened to me last year and I felt like such an idiot…thanks Andy for picking me up). I understand people don’t want to be confrontational. But bringing up minor issues while they’re still, well, minor issues probably isn’t such a bad idea. Especially when the alternative is to say nothing, let it go, and then have some kind of major breakdown that even AAA can’t fix.

  • Defensive Driving: Anticipate the behaviors and mistakes of others.
  • Relationships: Anticipate the reactions and possible mistakes of others.

It’s pretty easy to anticipate the actions of others and to learn how to take preventative measures to ensure that they won’t become serious issues. This is why it’s important to (see above cough cough) examine your surroundings before committing. So they have a bit of a temper when they drink. Or they’re very into their football team and commit every Sunday to the couch, the NY Jets, and beer. Or they’re a big momma’s boy and to them, nothing is better than her chicken parm. Be proactive. If he gets a little testy one night at the bar, either let it slide or back off, and avoid a fight. If you know that Sunday is football day, don’t suggest a “couple’s day with cuddling and movies!” since you already know it’s not going to happen. And don’t, I mean don’t try to out-cook his mom. There isn’t a worse way to impress her than by stealing her baby boy AND her recipe.

  • Defensive Driving: Cell phones and other passengers are major distractions while driving.
  • Relationships: Cell phones (not really but go with it) and other people can be major distractions while in a relationship.

This one’s a stretch but just read on. While it’s important to always listen to what your friends and family have to say about your relationship, letting them take the wheel and steer you entirely in a different direction is not how to ensure a smooth ride. Focus on the road in front of you, and don’t let others’ input distract you too much, especially if you never asked for it. If you need directions, or advice, your friends along for the ride can and should help you. But no one likes a backseat driver. You do you. (And your significant other, I guess. 😉 )

  • Defensive Driving: Even if you think you can get behind the wheel after a few drinks, you can’t.
  • Relationships: Even if you think it’s a good idea to have a serious talk after a few drinks, it’s not.

This is other thing I see all the time when I look at couples around me. Alcohol hits the lips, and it’s like they’ve completely lost control. Their judgement is completely altered, they’re not making sense, they can’t see far enough ahead of them to make smart decisions, and they’re in danger of being part of a serious catastrophe, hurting themselves and everyone around them. While alcohol can be fun and allow for some silly stories, it can also be disastrous for a couple. You wouldn’t want to end up with a BWI (break-up while intoxicated).

  • Defensive Driving: On a long drive, have someone with you who can take over the wheel if you get too tired.
  • Relationships: In a long relationship, have someone who will be there for you and support you when you’re down.

Relationships are a two way street, and if one person is taking the brunt of the drive, providing all the support, all the time, they’re going to get tired. Tired of being the only one who decides which way you’ll turn, when to speed things up, when to slow down, and when to hit the breaks and cruise for a while. Make sure you share in decision making and switch off once and a while or that one single driver is going to be the one who gets to decide when the trip is over.

  • Defensive Driving: If your car isn’t working after you’ve tried to get it fixed multiple times, you may want to move on to a newer and more attractive model.
  • Relationships: Self-explanatory.

So I might’ve stretched the last one a bit, but it’s true. And this is the one piece of advice that I’m qualified to give from experience. If it’s not working, just leave it behind you. You can try to fix things as many times as you like, but after a while, you’re just going to need to get rid of that old piece of junk and upgrade to the model that’s going to take you further – getting you there faster, and in style.

So that’s my lesson for the day, everybody!

Safe travels 🙂

Day 116 – The Art of Third Wheeling

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Most of us, at some point in our lives, have experienced what it’s like to be a third wheel. You know what I mean. Your friend is in a relationship, you’re not, yet you all still hang out together. Third wheeling can either be a fun, no-pressure situation, usually when you’re friends with both parties, and don’t have to worry about excessive PDA. But sometimes, it can be miserable.

For most of my life, friends of mine have been in and out of relationships, and so I’ve spend quite a bit of time being the third wheel. Lucky for me, Laura’s current boyfriend Cliff, who has to deal with more of my third-wheeling than he though he signed up for, is super cool and seems to not mind my company that much…yet. As for me, I’ve just never found myself the right person to get serious with. I’m just too picky, that’s why I’m single.

If you’re someone who, like me, has spent a great deal of your young adult life third-wheeling with a friend and his/her significant other, fear not. I’m here to tell you a little bit about why it’s okay to be a third wheel.

Third wheeling has been part of our society forever, since the beginning of time (probably). There are more third wheels existing in literature, movies, and the lives of celebrities than you even recognize. Take for example – Harry Potter. Yeah, Ron and Hermoine don’t technically get together until the end of book seven, but was Harry an idiot to not notice the sexual tension between the two of them ever since Hermoine took Krum to the Yule Ball in their fourth year? Regardless, you know Ron didn’t mind having his BFF there with him whenever he and Hermoine hung out. And Harry was either oblivious to, or ignored, the fact that he was the third wheel to his two besties. Bros before hoes! (Plus, if he did realize he was being third wheel’ed, he got the ultimate revenge by making out with Ron’s little sister, so I think they’re even.)

Ron’s like, “I’m only letting this go because you’re probably going to kill Voldemort one day.”

Other examples that I’m sure you’ll agree with: Joey from Friends, Jacob from Twilight, Prince Harry’s entire life, Ted Moseby from How I Met Your Mother, Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you get the picture. There’s always a third wheel, but no one ever dislikes that person! In fact, a lot of the time, the humor/drama/excitement would be gone without the third wheel. Here are some third wheels that have truly been beneficial to a relationship, or at least, were a really funny addition to the original couple:

For all the girls and guys out there that have to be the third wheel, don’t get down on yourself about it. Look on the bright side! You’ll always be “the single friend” that gets brought to parties, which means all eyes are on you. Plus, you’ll never have to go “half-sies” on your food, buy a drink for anyone else, or have a designated beer pong partner. And don’t worry about having to sit alone when you’re headed out together. That’s why the Long Island Rail Road made half the train rows of 3 seats instead of two, with people like us in mind!! So next time your coupled-up friends ask you to hang out with them, give it a try. You’ll have fun – I know you wheel.

….Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.