Tag Archives: friends

A Fantasy Love Life

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It’s Week 11 of the Fantasy Football season and I’m in 4th place in my league, so you can say things are getting pretty serious. This is my first year participating in this phenomenon that all our brothers, friends, dads and boyfriends are all obsessed with for all of football season, and let me tell you – it’s quite fun. It gives being a football fan another reason to be competitive even when your team is sucking (thanks Jets). Also, boys think you’re a total catch when you tell them you play fantasy!!!!!!!

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I named my team Colin Kaeperlick-me for a reason, ladies.

While texting interchangeably about football and potential new boyfriends one night, Daniella and I came to the strange conclusion that operating within the love life of a twenty-something is essentially the same as managing your fantasy football team. How you ask? Lets go through the details of fantasy football and examine how each directly relates to how you, the owner of your team, can take control of your relationships.

The Draft

Like every football season, your fantasy season begins with a draft. Here is where you select your players (aka the boys you want to have on your radar). In girl world, this is known is “Calling Dibs.” That way you and your friends are not all trying to have the same player on your team. Clarify who-gets-who and you eliminate not only competition, but also, totally avoid friend fights! Woo!

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Hopefully there are enough good contenders out there for all of you.

Your Starters

Once you’ve got your team drafted, you have to decide who is going to be in your starting line-up, aka, the dudes you are going to primarily focus on. Let’s do a quick breakdown of a few of the positions so you can decide who you need to place in which slots to ensure a win for you each match-up.

  • Quarterback – Your QB is a crucial player, and you want someone who is going to perform well against most other teams’ defensive lines. Girl world: Here’s a dude that you want to make sure can withstand any crowd of girls that surrounds him. Probably a pretty boy, who doesn’t know how cute he is, and thinks you’re the prettiest and funniest girl in the bar and will always lob a drink right into your hand. He’ll toss you texts daily and throw you lots of attention. So as long as he’s not injured or on a bye-week (aka he stayed in to play video games instead of going to the bar), he should be someone who’s going to always give you points.
  • Wide Receiver – Placing a WR is tough because week in and week out; it’s very hard to project how many points they will get for you. Even some of the best WRs out there will have slow weeks here and there. So while they are great for a fun night out once and a while, sometimes they’re just going to suck. Reserve this spot for the super hot guy who invites you and all your friends out to get into a hot club for free on one weekend, but that you don’t necessarily want to deal with the following weekend. Probably not BF material, but in the dating world, good to have around.
  • Running Back – This, ladies, is the position that you need to fill with your leading men. They are able to win you points in a multitude of ways (passing, running, etc). These are your all around guys, and probably the ones you’re going to want to LOCK DOWN. They’re fun, they’re handsome, they can pay for your drinks but aren’t flashy with their money. They like playing beer pong AND dancing, and look good in button-downs or their favorite NFL jersey. Draft a great running back so you know that when the weather gets cold and you wanna settle down, you have someone to watch Love Actually and drink Pinot Noir with.
  • Kicker – While your kicker can randomly surprise you sometimes, from a fantasy standpoint, he’s usually nothing to write home about. Good to have around on like, a Monday night, when you just want to hang out, grab a beer at the local bar, and watch the game. Don’t drag them along and definitely give them a chance to shine, because there might be that one game where he saves you from what would’ve been a devastating loss or surprises you with flowers after a shitty day at work.
  • Defense/Special Teams – These are your guy friends. They get you some points, but not the way a QB, RB, or WR will. Once and while there will be an interception and one of your guy friends can magically turn into the perfect boyfriend, but for the most part, they just need to stand their ground. Block out the creepers. Help you with your fantasy team lineups to impress the other boys. (Realistically these are the bros we’ll probably all marry but we’re too young and crazy to realize it yet. Thanks for sticking by us, Defense. We’ll come around eventually.)
Yes, Yes, Yes &  Yes Please

Yes, Yes, Yes & Yes Please

Your Bench

Just like we all had safety schools when applying to college, and just like real/fantasy football teams have players who sit on the bench, we need our back up dudes. When things fall through, when the guy you’ve decided on gets hurt or added to IR or decides he’s not ready to commit to a team or something, you’ll have a few back-ups to pull up to your starting roster. Consider yourself unaffected when you have to replace a starter with someone from your bench.

Adding, Dropping, & Trading

Here is the beauty of fantasy football/the dating world. You can drop players whenever you feel like. Not giving you enough points week after week? Failing to return your texts often enough? Drop them. It’s as easy as the click of a few buttons. “Are you sure you want to drop this player?” Hit yes. Just do it.

Because then, take a glance at the free agent pool! See who’s available to pick up off the waiver wire. If they’re not yet owned by someone, pick them up! Sit them on the bench for a backup, or if you’re feeling confident, slide him right into your starting roster.

Trading….meh. I’m not a huge fan of trading anyone my starting lineup on my fantasy team or in real life. But if you and the members of the league can come to a mutual agreement…then trade away.

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SO BASICALLY. What I’m trying to say is that managing a Fantasy Football team is 100 times easier than organizing the social calendar of a single girl. So ladies, if you can master yours, I give you permission to do a full on touchdown dance.

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*Disclaimer: A quick reminder that this in regards to dating in New York City. As in letting boys take us out for dinners and drinks, and figuring out which lucky playa is gonna change his ways and settle down with us. Just in case anyone had the wrong idea.

Lata, bitches, good luck with the rest of your season!!!

Hunting in the Concrete Jungle

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Like a lioness in the African pride lands, a post-grad girl spends so many of her days and nights hunting. Hunting for what, you may ask? And I reply, what are we not hunting for? Job opportunities, successful men to date, the perfect brunch spot, a nail salon with a cheap-but-still-clean atmosphere. Recently, the most important thing that I’ve been hunting for is an apartment. And let me tell you. It’s brutal.

ImageMe looking tired while apartment hunting after work last week.

While the hunt for an alpha male is pretty ferocious, I honestly think the hunt for a home in the vast and viciously overpopulated jungle that is New York City is ten times as cut-throat. Pairs of snarling twenty-somethings can be seen salivating over the same shoe-box sized Upper East Side apartment, staring each other down, ready to fight it out to win their territory. You have to be the quickest, the swiftest, ready to pounce at any moment on the prize – because before you know it, it’s gone. Brokers taunt you with listings promising “TRUE 2BR!” or “CLOSE TO SUBWAYS,” only to disappoint you day after day with crappy 5th floor walk-ups on 73rd and York, when all you really wanted was to be somewhere in the vicinity of the express train and a Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s a cruel life for the 23-year-old entry level lion cub trying to move on from her home and start a life all her own out in the wild.

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Actual footage.

All metaphors aside, the process truly is really tough. There are serious trade-offs when you’re moving out for the first time, and I’m smack in the middle of understanding all of that myself right now. Moving out of the basement of my childhood home in Queens has been all I’ve wanted for about 6 months, but it’s not easy. It means meeting with broker after broker, all of whom seem to be halfway reliable at best, and making the uptown-trek a few times a week only to be disappointed at numerous apartments. It means trolling Craigslist and all of the other apartment listing sites every day on your lunch break to stay ahead of the game. “Bidding wars” and “guarantors” become part of your every day vocabulary. It means understanding that the first few months following your eventual move, you’re probably going to live a little less glamorously than you want to – Ramen noodle dinners, cheap wine, and Netflix-filled Fridays on the week that rent is due.

But the upside of the trade-off is that you become this free, independent version of yourself, bounding through the savanna (aka the island of Manhattan) with the rest of your pride (aka your roommate and other broke NYC-residing friends), making frequent stops at local watering holes and pouncing and nuzzling with handsome males…too far?

I’m not there yet, but I’m on my way. And so I know that the process is hard. My advice to fellow post-grads in the same predicament is as follows:

  • Be flexible. Part of this is understanding that your first apartment is probably not going to be your dream apartment. You may have to compromise some of your plans. Not all of them – don’t do that to yourself or you’ll be miserable, but be prepared to give up some things. It might mean walking up two extra flights of stairs to get to the door of your apartment but if it’s a block away from the subway, you’ll thank yourself come wintertime.
  • Be decisive. Know what you want, know what you can and can’t settle for, and act quickly when you find something that fits within your range. If you don’t pounce quickly, someone else will.
  • Be smart. Realize early that rent is only part of the equation. You also need to factor in utilities, transportation, groceries, toiletries, and most importantly, wine. Budget everything out before you decide what you can afford.
  • Be patient. This is the most important of all, and the part I’m struggling the most with. Eventually, you’ll find something. So keeping a good head on your shoulders and not rushing into something rash is crucial. Take it one day at a time, and keep on hunting. Before you know it, you’ll be all settled in, turning your apartment into your home.

Hakuna Matata.

Sorry, I’m Not Sorry – The Non-Apology

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We’ve all heard this phrase before. We’re probably all annoyed by it already. The “Sorry-I’m-Not-Sorry” phenomenon has taken over the internet, serving as one of high-school girls’ favorite #hashtags and Instagram photo captions. Another shameless selfie? Go ahead, post it on Facebook. Got drunk last night and now you’re hungover at work? Bet you don’t even feel bad about it. Talking crap about someone and you just DON’T CARE if they know? Must be because…

ImageAs long as you’re sorry that you’re not sorry, we’re okay with it.

While the “Sorry-Not-Sorry” grows to be more widely accepted than actual apologies themselves, we as young adults may find ourselves facing the very real version of this seemingly minor issue. The non-apology.

What is a non-apology, you may be wondering? Chances are you’ve encountered it sometime recently. Or maybe you’re one of the douchebags who is a non-apologizer. But regardless of which part you play, it seems to me to be an unavoidable phenomenon that we as maturing individuals will have to acknowledge, accept, and overcome. The non-apology occurs when rather than apologizing for doing something hurtful or sketchy, there is a successful dodge, excuse, or blatant disregard of the issue at hand. Essentially, this is them saying to you:

mileyBitchy.

There are a few types of non-apologies. The following three are the most-common, in order of how crazy they’ll drive you.

3. The Bait-and-Switch

Like the retail strategy, the bait-and-switch begins with a conversation where you believe you are going to get an apology, but at the last minute, the blame suddenly switches to you. You’ve gotten into a rough situation with a friend and you’ve finally decided to have a conversation in hopes of attaining the prize – an apology. And so it begins, “You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t have said that….BUT -” And that’s where it all changes. With the introduction of the word “but,” the entire game has changed. Your conversation now will end with either two apologies, zero apologies, or one apology – yours. This technique is typically executed by people who are good with persuasion, debating and/or brainwashing. You won’t even realize it’s happened until the conversation is over and you’ll stand there, wishing for the words that just slipped through your fingers. A simple sorry.

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2. The Teeth-Grinder

This non-apology may or may not actually include the words “I’m Sorry.” Usually said through gritted teeth, this apology is more of an excuse than heartfelt remorse. The Teeth-Grinder is so clearly not an apology that anyone in the vicinity will probably feel the tension. The non-apologizer will be all, “I guess I get where you’re coming from. But, whatever, right? We’re good?” And you’ll nod, but inside, you’ll be thinking:

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1. The Shrug-It-Off

The worst of the three most common non-apologies, the Shrug-It-Off is so shrug-tastic that the issue is usually never even discussed. In fact, it’s usually straight avoided. These are the moments you’ll thank God that the weird, scientific phenomena of spontaneous combustion is real (is it real?) and wish it upon those around you. Maybe the other individual doesn’t understand that you’re mad. Or maybe they do, and they just don’t care. Maybe they’re just… sorry-they’re-not-sorry. And they’ll sit across the table from you, as you wallow in anger and apprehension until…

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When it comes down to it, there will always be times in your life that you feel you deserve an apology and you never get one. The important lesson to take away is that you will be a happier person if you learn to accept the apologies you never receive. Don’t dwell on them. Because keep in mind, perhaps there was a time when you should’ve said something and neglected to.

When in doubt, forgive.

When you can, forget.

And when you just can’t bring yourself to do either, flip tables.

Day 336 – So You’re About To Graduate College…

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Yesterday afternoon, I spent some time browsing my Facebook and Twitter feeds and was overwhelmed by the amount of “Last undergrad class…EVER!” posts and tweets I saw. And I had a few reactions:

1) Congrats on making it to your last class! I slept through mine.

2) I’m not old enough to NOT be the youngest person in the workforce.

3) Where the hell did this year go?

I started this blog almost a full year ago to track my journey through my first post-graduate year and I’m in disbelief that I’m almost at Day 365. (*Note – I clearly did some math wrong along the way because on May 12th, the day after graduation, it will not be day 365. But don’t worry. Those of us in PR don’t really need to know numbers. Or counting.) But I guess I better start believing it, because I’m going to have to stop telling people I “just graduated college” and switched to “I graduated last year” when they ask what I’ve been doing with my life.

Anyways, now that I’m an expert in city life post-college (LOL), I’m gonna share with you youngin’s some fun facts and can’t-miss tips on how to get through year one of post-grad life. This is a compilation of my best advice in one list, SO LISTEN UP!!

10. Never underestimate the importance of Happy Hour.

Because it’s amazing. It’s cheap drinks, it’s handsome business-boys in shirts and ties, it’s like day-drinking sort of cause the sun is sometimes still out – essentially it’s everything I want in one place. Happy Hour becomes the go-to for dates, mini-reunions and hang outs. Because what you’ll come to realize is the “Come over and pregame before we go out on Thursday!” just won’t really excite people anymore, but “Wanna grab a few drinks after work on Thursday?” rolls off the tongue much more nicely.

9. Realize that you’re probably going to gain weight. Get a gym membership.

It starts slow. You start meeting up with friends for “a few drinks after work” a few times a week. You browse Yelp and find some cute new dinner spots. The weather gets cold, and Seamless comes into your life. You start ordering your lunch to the office – delivery. You sit at a desk from 9-5. Since it’s cold, you’re wearing layers. So no one’s noticing those extra pounds. All of a sudden, spring hits and your shorts are quiteeeee a bit tighter than they were last year. Yeah, it happens. Counteract it best you can by joining a gym or at the very least, going for a run once and a while. No matter how much it hurts.

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8. Learn how to budget your money.

Seriously. While my waistline was getting wider because of the above reasons, my wallet was getting thinner. If I had $5 for every time I wished I had taught myself the importance of saving money I wouldn’t have to worry about saving money. Maybe people are just generally better at this than me, but I would’ve loved to, before graduation, have taken like two seconds to remember that a penny earned doesn’t have to immediately become a penny spent.

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7. Visit your Alma Mater at least once (and try not to die while you’re there).

Homecoming. Go to it. Or any other random weekend. Visiting your college in the year following your graduation is like Christmas but better because it’s not cold and everyone actually really excited to see each other! It’s a mini-vacation, the closest thing you’ll get to Spring Break in your post-college career. The sub-point of advice within this point of advice – when drinking, don’t try to keep up with the college kids. Why? See my next point…

6. Drinking is harder. Learn how to adapt.

You’ll need to come to the conclusion on your own that you can’t drink nearly as much as you could in college after a few months at home. Between waking up early to get to work and just getting generally out of drinking shape, your 4-nights-a-week college rage-fests just don’t fit into a post-grads schedule. Instead, embrace new drinking activities, like Brunch, to fill the void left from giving up Tuesday night ladies nights or Thursday night binges. Believe me, being hungover at work is not a condition you want to be in often.

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5. Know that G-Chat is the new Facebook chat.

Yes, being in almost-constant communication with your besties remains important following college. So where group-texts fail (who can deal with their iPhone vibrating on their desk all day long?) and where Facebook reads ‘unprofessional,’ G-Chat becomes convenient and perfectly work-place acceptable. It was the most valuable secret of post-grad life. Inconspicuous chat windows can be disguised as e-mail drafts, all those super-important messages you’re about to send out to clients and colleagues. No one needs to know that it’s really links to your favorite BuzzFeed articles and other NSFW things. It’s a gem. A diamond in the rough. So necessary.

4. Enjoy being single.

Because as much as we all just wanted to settle down with a boyfriend after graduation and through most of the winter months (Oh, that was just me? Okay..), people still generally suck at being in relationships. And that’s okay. There are so many YoPros to meet, so many dates to be gone on, and so many fun things like Grouper to experiment with. It’s the most fun time in our lives to be on our own, going out with our friends, having cocktails with bankers and playing beer pong with fratty guys in “Murray Chill.”

3. Invest in a good set of wine glasses. 

You’re going to need them. “Wine nights” become your Sunday-Wednesday nights after college. You don’t need to schedule them like you used to with the roomies. Instead of, “Hey, anyone want to stay in and just have a few glasses of wine tonight?” the question is, “WHERE IS MY WINE OPENER?!” Wine. Always. Wine.

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2a. Go out a lot.

Explore the city, meet new people, try new drinks. There is more to see…than can ever be seen…more to do…than can ever be done…

2b. Stay in a lot.

It’s okay to stay in more, too. And it’s definitely okay to enjoy staying in. Because after a long day of work, sometimes all you want is to cuddle on the couch with your pup and a glass of wine and watch Game of Thrones reruns on Netflix. Which sounds like an ideal Friday night to me.

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1. Enjoy every minute.

While this year was a change, it was truly a great year. The first year out of college is a journey. You meet a ton of new people, have some incredible experiences, some ups, more downs. You’ll gain weight, you’ll lose weight. You’ll get screwed over by some douche you swore you’d never fall for again and refuse to date a nice guy who’d probably be nothing but amazing to you. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be late to work a few times. But overall, you’ll have a blast. Yes, college was the time of my life, and probably the time of yours too, but the fun doesn’t stop once you move the tassel, I promise. So take advantage of these last few weeks in school, and then feel free to take FULL advantage of the year that lies ahead of you.

Oh, and by the way, CONGRATULATIONS!

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Can’t believe this was a year ago. I miss and love you guys to pieces.

So where does that leave me? A blogger dedicated to exploring one year in post-grad life. I’ve got some ideas….Stay with me and you’ll see how I continue my journey through the blogosphere. 😉 I’m not going anywhere.

Day 309 – F.O.M.O.

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I apologize for my brief hiatus from the blogosphere, but fear not – I have returned. I know you probably are all wondering just what I was doing for the past sixteen days; perhaps you had a bit of F.O.M.O…a Fear Of Missing Out? Well, whether you did or not, developing F.O.M.O. is exactly what I’m going to be blogging about today.

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F.O.M.O. [ F(ear) O(f) M(issing) O(ut)] (Foh-mo) noun 

The condition in which one who is separated from a group of people or a large scale event experiences fear, discomfort, and utter depression due to the misfortune of being unable to partake in events and activities with said group or at said event and understanding this means you will be missing something amazing. May lead to irrational and rash decisions such as last-minute flight bookings, over-drinking, or spontaneous outbursts of hysterical tears at your desk.

I have experienced, and believe I will continue to experience, the worst post-graduate F.O.M.O. symptoms thus far this month. Why? Simply because the month of March for the past few years of my life was always unreal. The bomb diggity. March was…well, Madness, if I may. There was always so much going on, the weather was getting nicer, people would visit and it was essentially a 31-day-long party in my house at school.

First and foremost, as you know from my last post, March to me means Spring Break. It means Las Vegas. It means the Bahamas. It means getting tan and drinking on the beach and dancing all night long and laughing and meeting new people and making questionable decisions that I never really needed to answer for. I just feel like I became the best version of myself on Spring Break. And by the best I mean worst…but it certainly felt like the best. The words “Spring Break” evoke feelings of freedom and excitement and spontaneity… and I’m watching undergrads experience all of it through this cursed channel we call Facebook. I see them prancing around in heels, all sunkissed and smiling, margaritas in hand. And I fear, I do, that I am…missing out. Which I am. Because I’m sitting at a desk doing much less prancing than I was last year down Las Vegas Boulevard, and I’m NOT happy about it!!!!

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This post falls at a very significant time, between two specific weekends which have made my F.O.M.O. much harder for me to deal with – smack dab in the middle of the two weekends of Ultra Music Festival. And goddammit, do people post a lot of pictures/videos of Ultra! (Did I post that many? If so, I’m sorry.) I even get video Snapchats from friends featuring 10-second teasers of the awesome sets I know they’re watching. And I’ll be honest…that’s just evil. And before I go to sleep each night, I whisper all their names to myself in a sort of corrupt prayer like Arya from Game of Thrones hoping all the power in Miami goes out or someone gets a bad case of Scarlet Fever and can’t get to UMF next weekend. It’s not my fault. It’s a side effect of F.O.M.O.

Plus, on top of it all, the changing of the seasons makes me miss last year. Today is officially the first day of Spring (although in NYC it doesn’t really feel like it), and with the Spring comes so many things I want to be doing. I want to be going to baseball games or going to the park or going on boats and outdoor bars or at least wearing flip flops and the worst part of all of it is that other people are. People live in warmer places or are successfully “funemployed” or are still lucky enough to be in school and they are doing all these things…and I am missing out on them.

As post-grads and entry-level employees, this feeling was bound to hit us eventually. It’s a trapping feeling, a sadness; it’s like all you want is for your best friend to drive up to your bedroom window in a flying car and rescue you during the lowest point of your F.O.M.O. and whisk you away.

harry rescue pt 2

But that kind of magic doesn’t apply to most of us, unfortunately. And so we need to find other ways to deal with F.O.M.O. And here is my best advice as to how to get throw these months that we spend playing in traffic while others are playing…everywhere else.

1. Make yourself a short-term bucket list.

Whether it’s a “Spring Bucket List” or “Things To Do In March” document, compile some kind of list of fun things you can do to keep busy. My friends and I have a Google Doc that we’re constantly adding things to so we can try new and exciting places and activities all the time. Definitely helps prevent F.O.M.O. as you’ll be too busy having fun to think about all the better things other people are doing.

2. Stay off social media.

Easier said than done, I know, especially when many of our jobs allow us some prime Facebooking after lunch or ample time to browse our Twitter feeds during the morning commutes. But try to not go through every “SPRiNG BR3AK 20!3” album that gets posted. It’ll only make you feel sad. And fat. And pale. Also, don’t backstalk yourself and remind yourself of all the fun you were having when you were still in college. That’s even worse, because hating past-you is always harder than hating present-anyone-else.

3. Make one really stupid college-kid decision.

Simply so that when you hear some kids telling a story about all the wild and crazy stuff they did over break, you can have one reference you can drop. “Well, don’t worry, we still rage too. Like, you’ll never believe what I did last weekend….” (Insert my behavior over St. Patrick’s Day weekend. Yep.)

4. Then counteract it and do something post-grad-esque and mature.

You’ll feel pretty dumb after your #3 stupid decision, so then do something very post-grad of you. Like trying out this new fancy wine bar or buying yourself a nice new blazer. Remind yourself that being a post-grad is fun, too! You’re not funneling beers on a beach, this is true. But the YoPros go cray for a sexy young thang hitting up Happy Hour in a sleek black blazer…who could pay for her her own drinks, but he’s gonna buy yours anyway. And it’s not gonna be a Natty Light, either. It’ll be a Blue Moon. Classssssssssy.

5. Last but not least, remember that F.O.M.O. is a temporary condition.

And that if you actually went to every party, every concert, every bar, and on every trip that you thought you would “miss out on” by not attending, you would be broke, exhausted, and probably have a horrible immune system. Breathe and relax and take comfort in knowing that you will 100% have a chance to go to some event or take some trip or see some show sometime soon that other people are totally going to miss out on. And you can brag about it all you want.

Keep your head up during these undergrad F.O.M.O. moments, post-grads. While it may be hard, there are bright, shining, wonderful future experiences for those 23 and older somewhere out there waiting for us.

Day 293 -The Post-Grad Spring Break(down)

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Monday is a harsh reality every week. It’s even harsher after coming off a weekend doing some casual “spring breaking” in Miami. But I’m getting through it. Hour by hour, minute by minute, Tylenol by Tylenol. Last night I went to sleep earlier than I have in weeks. You did me good, Miami, you did me real good.

One year ago, I was planning the trip of a lifetime to Las Vegas with some of the coolest people you will ever meet; so good that ever since, we’ve only referred to ourselves as the “Vegas Crew.” We spent seven days in Sin City; took the reins and galloped down Las Vegas Boulevard at full speed, leaving nothing behind us except money we gambled away and empty bottles of Champagne. And here I am, after a mere four days in Miami, ready to put my head down and take a little nap on my keyboard.

My Post-Grad Spring Break-Down, I’m calling it. And my friends, as with any trip or event, there is going to be the good, the bad, and the ugly that comes along with it. Here’s a little bit of info on what to look out for on your PGSBD this spring, and how you can survive it better than I did.

The Good

The best thing about the Post Grad Spring Break is reuniting with your college crew, and I had it the best, because so many of my best friends are now living down in Miami. This means no expensive hotel rooms, lots of bonding, and a solid crew to roll out with every night. Plus, you don’t have to worry about “finding hot spots” to hit while you’re there, because all your friends are most likely still in-the-know about which spots to go on which nights. You’ll rage like you used to, Instagram pics from inside your favorite clubs (guilty as charged), and be able to enjoy everyone’s company again.

It’s a lot of laughs, a lot of hugs, a lot of pictures throwing up your old sorority salute, and overall my favorite thing about the PGSB.

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What else is good? I mean…you’re on vacation. Duh. Which means you can really enjoy yourself and breathe a little. You don’t have to answer e-mails, set an alarm, or limit yourself to just a drink or two at happy hour because you “have to be up early tomorrow morning.” You can let loose. Things that aren’t really appropriate in post-grad everyday life, like drinks served in fishbowls or miniskirts and heels are not only accepted but encouraged for post-grad spring breakers. Trade in your cubicle for a crop-top and put on your party pants (aka shorts) and get ready to enjoy all the good!

The Bad

…And get ready to potentially have to deal with the bad. Some common crises you may encounter:

  • Epic brain-freeze from your frozen drinks #vacationproblems
  • The inability to drink even half of what you used to in college
  • Being as pale as the walls in your office (ew)
  • “I miss you guys so much, I’m buying everyone a drink!!”
  • Opening a tab…never a good idea.
  • Not being able to nap between daytime activities and going out at night
  • Not fitting into your shorts the way you did last May
  • Feeling OLD

The Ugly

The worst of the worst usually comes after your trip is over. The hangover from the weekend, which may or may not include an actual hangover.
The ugly is the sound of your alarm on Monday morning at 6:30.
The ugly is checking your bank statement when you get into work.
The ugly is noticing your face is peeling from sunburn.
The ugly is seeing pictures of yourself on Facebook that should never have been allowed to surface.
The ugly is realizing you took a physical beating thanks to your escapades – I’m talking bruises, burns, and chipped toenail polish. The works.
The ugly is realizing you miss college and not having any responsibilities.
The ugly is knowing that you are 100% going to get sick this week because you took 0% care of yourself all weekend.
The ugly is the Breakdown after the Spring Break. The Post-Grad Spring Breakdown.

ImageMe at my desk today.

But is it worth it? Yes. It’s worth every second, every penny, every de-tagged picture and every groan of exhaustion. Getting that little taste of college again, that chance to be just a little irresponsible (or maybe very irresponsible, in some cases) is worth the week-long hangover you’ll probably endure.

So book your flights and enjoy yourself. There’s only a few years left for this kind of behavior to be even remotely appropriate, so better we get it out of our systems now, right? Happy Spring Break Month to all the college students who still have that luxury, have a good enough time for all of us post-grads. We’ll be stalking your pictures on Facebook from our cubicles as we have our Spring Breakdowns.

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Day 280 – Why I’m Probably Not Going to my High School Reunion

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I received something in the mail a few weeks ago that really brought me back.

Back to a time of few to no responsibilities. A time when your “job” meant working four hour shifts in the mall or at the grocery store. A time when your parents chauffeured you to and from parties. A time when you were convinced your boyfriend of four-months was the man you were going to marry. A time when people were generally shittier versions of their current selves.

High School.

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Ugh, ugly thumb syndrome.

I received the invitation to my 5-year high school reunion and after some thought I think I’ve decided not to go. Why? Because there are just some people that I’m okay with never seeing again. And if life decides to have us cross paths? Okay. But it doesn’t mean I need to subject myself to that happening inside my high school cafeteria.

But for those of you who do plan on going, here’s my prediction on who you’ll be interacting with.

The Five People You’ll See at Your High School Reunion

5. The Principal/Dean/Guidance Counselor

In high school, I used to wear sunglasses on my head as an accessory almost every day (Foreshadowing that I’d be in college in Miami?), and it drove my principal crazy. I’d walk from my locker towards my homeroom and there she’d wait, in the same spot, and swipe them off my head as I walked by. “You’re inside now, Ms. Chuber,” she’d remind me. And I’d nod, wait till she was out of sight, and then push them back onto my head.

Whatever your relationship was with members of authority in high school, chances are you were way more of a douchebag then than you are now. And so you’ll probably have to deal with Past You’s annoying attitude when you interact with these individuals. Maybe you spent a lot of time in detention. Or in the Dean’s office. Or being dramatic to your guidance counselor. Whatever it was, the faculty will definitely remember you because of some particular detail. And they’re going to bring it up, at some point or another. I can hear Sister Kathleen now… “Where are your sunglasses, Kristen? Did you leave them down in Miami? Do you still wear them, whatever the weather?” Yes. Yes I do.

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4. The High School BFF

This is someone that normally, you’d love to catch up with! The girl/guy you were super close to for four years. They’re the person you went out with on the weekends, spent your free periods with planning your Sweet 16, and gossiped with about boys in adjacent bathroom stalls. Yet you two may have drifted, such is life, and years may have passed since you two have spoken. While I personally would enjoy catching up with my high school best friends, within the confines of a high school reunion, it may feel unnatural.

A few things may happen. First, you may experience what any fellow How I Met Your Mother fans will understand as “Revertigo,” where in order to make interaction normal, you revert back to the high school version of yourself. So if you two were notoriously boy crazy, the first thing you would probably ask would be, “So, what’s your guy situation right now??” You’d take MySpace style pictures and maybe even upload them to Facebook. #besties #reunited. Or maybe something came between the two of you in order to end the BFFriendship, and that event/person will be the elephant in the room for the extent of your conversation. Or maybe you’ll assume you can just pick up where you left off and maybe it’ll be much harder than you thought because one of you went through a drastic life change like giving up drinking or going brunette. There’s definitely potential for awkwardness there. So just beware.

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3. The Person Who Not-S0-Secretly Hates You

Whether or not it’s out in the open, there’s that person that you know just isn’t a fan of yours. Maybe it’s because you made fun of them in gym class for being a total weirdo or because you dated her boyfriend after they broke up “even though she said it was okay.” But by no means are you friends, and they’re definitely not trying to be.   You might try to avoid them, or maybe you’ll do the opposite, and try to be overly sweet to make up for your less than happy memories with this person. Regardless, you should probably keep an eye out, in case you’re on their hitlist.

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2. Your High School Worst Enemy

Everyone had a worst enemy in high school. The person that you absolutely could not stand. So much so, that on graduation day, you thanked your lucky stars you’d be rid of her for good. And you’ve managed to avoid her for five years. But here you are, going to your high school reunion, knowing she will be there. It’s not that you care about the drama anymore; after all, it was five years ago. But there is ZERO part of you that wants to see this person. Ever again.

And that’s okay. While most of the problems that existed between high schoolers was based on immaturity and probably just boredom, you don’t need to reach out to every person you disliked in the past and attempt to rekindle a friendship. As long as you can both be civil if and when you run into each other somewhere, that is enough. No need to force a friendship just to prove you’re not the grotsky little beotch you were in 10th grade.

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1. A Horrible Version of Yourself That You Want To Forget Forever

“I was probably the best version of myself in high school,” said no one ever. We all thought we were the coolest thing since ice pops, and let’s face it – we weren’t. I would truly love to shake High School Kristen by her shoulders, letting her giant hoop earrings swing back and forth smacking her in the face, and tell her that she’s a giant tool and to STOP. I want to say, “No, Kristen, you should NOT have a Xanga! Your future college friends are going to find it and never let you live it down!” Being back in my high school, looking at old pictures, and talking about 15 year old me is only going to remind me of how lame and obnoxious everyone was in high school. And by everyone I mean primarily myself.

mean girls

So I don’t think I’ll be attending my high school reunion this time around.

I’d rather catch up like normal people. And grab a coffee with someone I recently reconnected with on Facebook. Or get a big group together and go to a bar. And chat about the latest episode of the Bachelor or how hot that guy I dumped in 12th grade got and whether or not the 10th grade English teacher ever hooked up with a student or, my favorite, how awkward our past selves were. And I don’t think I need to pay $50 and feel awkward for 3 hours in order to reunite with people from my past.

Plus, thanks to social media, it’s really easy to reach out and get back in touch with people. If and when I want to reconnect with some friends from the “old days,” its nice to know that everyone is just a Facebook message, a Tweet, a text, or an e-mail away. With the technology available to us, reunions aren’t really necessary anymore. In fact, we probably already know a lot about what everyone has been up to thanks to that technology. I’ve seen your new apartment on Instagram, saw your Tweet about working for Goldman Sachs, and noticed you updated your Facebook to include NYU Medical School under your Education. 

Regardless, I hope everyone has fun. And I’ll strongly consider attention The Mary Louis Academy’s 10-year reunion in 2018 🙂

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The girls who made high school a little less crappy. June 1, 2008.

Day 191 – The Do’s and Don’ts of TGE

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Thanksgiving Eve has finally arrived. 

As a college student who was away, far away at school, Thanksgiving was always a much needed break from classes, tests, and the whole Miami scene for a few days. It was nice to come home, experience a little bit of Autumn weather, have some home-cooked meals, and catch up with family and friends. But most importantly, I looked forward to coming home for the highly anticipated Thanksgiving Eve celebrations. I’m not sure what it is about TGE that makes it so great – maybe it’s the fact that it’s a night dedicated to drinking solely because we all have off from work the next day. Or that it’s a night of excessive drinking in honor of a day of excessive eating. Or that it’s a night that has been so commercialized that although it’s a Wednesday, it’s still the biggest party night of the year. Hell, who am I kidding? It’s ALL of those that make it so great!!! As college students, it was the night that we got to come home, meet up with everyone we grew up with, and drink to the memories. You’ll take pictures with the people you hated most in high school, drunkenly resolve long-term conflicts with girls in other “cliques,” and seriously consider getting back together with your high school ex-boyfriend.

Yet while obscenely fun, TGE can be a night of mistakes and mistaste. And so, for us mature grown-up college graduates sitting at work this morning contemplating tonight’s events, it’s important to remind ourselves what is and isn’t acceptable behavior for Thanksgiving Eve.

The Do’s and Don’ts of TGE

Don’t think you need to spend a ridiculous amount of money on some “Thanksgiving Eve Special” at an overrated club.
Do spend a little extra dough – visit a classier watering hole, splurge on the fancier drink, or buy a round for your group.

Don’t start Thanksgiving early by drunk-feasting on pizza after you get home.
Do 
make it a full-night affair. Grab dinner before going out on the town (a.k.a. put some food in your stomach to get you through the evening).

Don’t drink yourself stupid. It’s not worth it. Imaging trying to stomach courses upon courses of delicious Thanksgiving food with a hangover. The stuffing won’t taste as good coming back up.
Do drink enough that you’re not annoyed at how crowded all the bars are.

Don’t go to any place where you used to go in high school, and therefore, have the potential to run into ex-boyfriends, obnoxious girls, or worse…actual high schoolers. Remember, everyone is out tonight. Probably even your teachers.
Do go to some of your favorite current spots where you know you always have a good time.

Don’t AND I REPEAT DON’T plan on getting the 3:00 AM LIRR “drunk train” home. Literally. It is the worst decision you could possibly make. Even if you go all night avoiding annoying, underage, sloppy, wasted, obnoxious partiers, THIS is where they all end up.
Do crash at someone’s apartment or take a cab home at the end of the night. Worth it.

Don’t over-think the night and put too much pressure on yourself to have an “epic Thanksgiving Eve.”
Do go out with the intention of having fun. If you’ve got good drinks and good company, you’re sure to have a good time. Even an “epic” one, at that.

Stay safe, have fun, and ignore your ex’s texts tonight. Cheers!

Have a good Thanksgiving Eve! And a Happy Thanksgiving! 🙂

Day 116 – The Art of Third Wheeling

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Most of us, at some point in our lives, have experienced what it’s like to be a third wheel. You know what I mean. Your friend is in a relationship, you’re not, yet you all still hang out together. Third wheeling can either be a fun, no-pressure situation, usually when you’re friends with both parties, and don’t have to worry about excessive PDA. But sometimes, it can be miserable.

For most of my life, friends of mine have been in and out of relationships, and so I’ve spend quite a bit of time being the third wheel. Lucky for me, Laura’s current boyfriend Cliff, who has to deal with more of my third-wheeling than he though he signed up for, is super cool and seems to not mind my company that much…yet. As for me, I’ve just never found myself the right person to get serious with. I’m just too picky, that’s why I’m single.

If you’re someone who, like me, has spent a great deal of your young adult life third-wheeling with a friend and his/her significant other, fear not. I’m here to tell you a little bit about why it’s okay to be a third wheel.

Third wheeling has been part of our society forever, since the beginning of time (probably). There are more third wheels existing in literature, movies, and the lives of celebrities than you even recognize. Take for example – Harry Potter. Yeah, Ron and Hermoine don’t technically get together until the end of book seven, but was Harry an idiot to not notice the sexual tension between the two of them ever since Hermoine took Krum to the Yule Ball in their fourth year? Regardless, you know Ron didn’t mind having his BFF there with him whenever he and Hermoine hung out. And Harry was either oblivious to, or ignored, the fact that he was the third wheel to his two besties. Bros before hoes! (Plus, if he did realize he was being third wheel’ed, he got the ultimate revenge by making out with Ron’s little sister, so I think they’re even.)

Ron’s like, “I’m only letting this go because you’re probably going to kill Voldemort one day.”

Other examples that I’m sure you’ll agree with: Joey from Friends, Jacob from Twilight, Prince Harry’s entire life, Ted Moseby from How I Met Your Mother, Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you get the picture. There’s always a third wheel, but no one ever dislikes that person! In fact, a lot of the time, the humor/drama/excitement would be gone without the third wheel. Here are some third wheels that have truly been beneficial to a relationship, or at least, were a really funny addition to the original couple:

For all the girls and guys out there that have to be the third wheel, don’t get down on yourself about it. Look on the bright side! You’ll always be “the single friend” that gets brought to parties, which means all eyes are on you. Plus, you’ll never have to go “half-sies” on your food, buy a drink for anyone else, or have a designated beer pong partner. And don’t worry about having to sit alone when you’re headed out together. That’s why the Long Island Rail Road made half the train rows of 3 seats instead of two, with people like us in mind!! So next time your coupled-up friends ask you to hang out with them, give it a try. You’ll have fun – I know you wheel.

….Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Day Seventy-Three – #LauraProblems

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Before starting this post I actually Googled “How to blog about your best friend without it being super gay.” I got no results.

Per her request, this post is dedicated to my best friend Laura, mostly so she can read it when she’s bored at the airport. She leaves this afternoon for Italy with her family for two weeks so I’m looking for a substitute BFF until she gets back if there are any takers.

Laura has been my best friend for almost eight years now which is SO WEIRD but pretty cool that someone has been able to tolerate me for that long. We were 14 years old when we met. Which means I still wore puka shell necklaces, Laura’s hair was still a full-blown 70s style afro, and we wore light blue polo shirts/plaid skirts daily, as students of The Mary Louis Academy. We met on picture day, when my lovely best friend looked a little something like this:

Hottest Chonga on the Block

High school was, for lack of a better word, eventful. From school dances to sweet sixteens, corner stores that sold us 40s to sake bars that let us drink although we were underage, we were always in search of a good time. We had a solid crew of four through most of high school – a fearsome foursome, known as The Party Crew (or at least that’s what we called ourselves….haters gonna hate). We shared secrets and Chinese food, hated all the same people, had nights we’ll never remember and others that I’ll never forget. She was my partner in crime, the LC to my Kristin, the chaser to my vodka and the #1 spot on my MySpace top 8.

Coolest Bitches in the School.

Fast forward to May of 2008, when everyone went into panic mode. I was off to Miami, and she to Binghamton, and although we were best friends, everyone had that sliver of worry that it would be hard to stay in touch. (Mostly because the Find My Friends iPhone app didn’t exist yet – how would I be aware of her constant whereabouts?) But I was lucky enough to have Laura visit me in Miami not once, not twice, but on three separate occasions, every one of which was an adventure in itself. I also paid two trips to Binghamton, and when we were both home in the summer, we’d cram as much time together as we could into those three months. We spent our time making our way through the douchiest bars in New York City (Turtle Bay, McFaddens, Calico Jacks…the bars we hate to love and love to hate), trying to order Dominoes long after they stopped delivering, creeping on 2014s and DJs and creating FUEGO LISTS (if you don’t know what it is…you’re probably on one).

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I’m happy to say that after eight long years, and after knowing everything about me, Laura still wants to be my best friend. And so this post is dedicated to you, Laura. The best friend who will be the first to embarrass me in front of a group of people I don’t know but the last to judge me when I do something stupid.

Here’s to being best friends for another 8 years, until we’re 30 and hopefully married with real jobs but definitely still living the reckless lifestyles that we’re used to. Peace, love, and parrot stew.

And for your enjoyment, some photo documentation of the love-fest that is our friendship.

Trouble.

A shoulder to cry on….or sit on.

Flirty

Some bunny loves you!

My number one bittie for lifeeee ❤

Love you Laur, bring me back a hot Italian man or at least some pasta<3