Tag Archives: fun

A Fantasy Love Life

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It’s Week 11 of the Fantasy Football season and I’m in 4th place in my league, so you can say things are getting pretty serious. This is my first year participating in this phenomenon that all our brothers, friends, dads and boyfriends are all obsessed with for all of football season, and let me tell you – it’s quite fun. It gives being a football fan another reason to be competitive even when your team is sucking (thanks Jets). Also, boys think you’re a total catch when you tell them you play fantasy!!!!!!!

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I named my team Colin Kaeperlick-me for a reason, ladies.

While texting interchangeably about football and potential new boyfriends one night, Daniella and I came to the strange conclusion that operating within the love life of a twenty-something is essentially the same as managing your fantasy football team. How you ask? Lets go through the details of fantasy football and examine how each directly relates to how you, the owner of your team, can take control of your relationships.

The Draft

Like every football season, your fantasy season begins with a draft. Here is where you select your players (aka the boys you want to have on your radar). In girl world, this is known is “Calling Dibs.” That way you and your friends are not all trying to have the same player on your team. Clarify who-gets-who and you eliminate not only competition, but also, totally avoid friend fights! Woo!

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Hopefully there are enough good contenders out there for all of you.

Your Starters

Once you’ve got your team drafted, you have to decide who is going to be in your starting line-up, aka, the dudes you are going to primarily focus on. Let’s do a quick breakdown of a few of the positions so you can decide who you need to place in which slots to ensure a win for you each match-up.

  • Quarterback – Your QB is a crucial player, and you want someone who is going to perform well against most other teams’ defensive lines. Girl world: Here’s a dude that you want to make sure can withstand any crowd of girls that surrounds him. Probably a pretty boy, who doesn’t know how cute he is, and thinks you’re the prettiest and funniest girl in the bar and will always lob a drink right into your hand. He’ll toss you texts daily and throw you lots of attention. So as long as he’s not injured or on a bye-week (aka he stayed in to play video games instead of going to the bar), he should be someone who’s going to always give you points.
  • Wide Receiver – Placing a WR is tough because week in and week out; it’s very hard to project how many points they will get for you. Even some of the best WRs out there will have slow weeks here and there. So while they are great for a fun night out once and a while, sometimes they’re just going to suck. Reserve this spot for the super hot guy who invites you and all your friends out to get into a hot club for free on one weekend, but that you don’t necessarily want to deal with the following weekend. Probably not BF material, but in the dating world, good to have around.
  • Running Back – This, ladies, is the position that you need to fill with your leading men. They are able to win you points in a multitude of ways (passing, running, etc). These are your all around guys, and probably the ones you’re going to want to LOCK DOWN. They’re fun, they’re handsome, they can pay for your drinks but aren’t flashy with their money. They like playing beer pong AND dancing, and look good in button-downs or their favorite NFL jersey. Draft a great running back so you know that when the weather gets cold and you wanna settle down, you have someone to watch Love Actually and drink Pinot Noir with.
  • Kicker – While your kicker can randomly surprise you sometimes, from a fantasy standpoint, he’s usually nothing to write home about. Good to have around on like, a Monday night, when you just want to hang out, grab a beer at the local bar, and watch the game. Don’t drag them along and definitely give them a chance to shine, because there might be that one game where he saves you from what would’ve been a devastating loss or surprises you with flowers after a shitty day at work.
  • Defense/Special Teams – These are your guy friends. They get you some points, but not the way a QB, RB, or WR will. Once and while there will be an interception and one of your guy friends can magically turn into the perfect boyfriend, but for the most part, they just need to stand their ground. Block out the creepers. Help you with your fantasy team lineups to impress the other boys. (Realistically these are the bros we’ll probably all marry but we’re too young and crazy to realize it yet. Thanks for sticking by us, Defense. We’ll come around eventually.)
Yes, Yes, Yes &  Yes Please

Yes, Yes, Yes & Yes Please

Your Bench

Just like we all had safety schools when applying to college, and just like real/fantasy football teams have players who sit on the bench, we need our back up dudes. When things fall through, when the guy you’ve decided on gets hurt or added to IR or decides he’s not ready to commit to a team or something, you’ll have a few back-ups to pull up to your starting roster. Consider yourself unaffected when you have to replace a starter with someone from your bench.

Adding, Dropping, & Trading

Here is the beauty of fantasy football/the dating world. You can drop players whenever you feel like. Not giving you enough points week after week? Failing to return your texts often enough? Drop them. It’s as easy as the click of a few buttons. “Are you sure you want to drop this player?” Hit yes. Just do it.

Because then, take a glance at the free agent pool! See who’s available to pick up off the waiver wire. If they’re not yet owned by someone, pick them up! Sit them on the bench for a backup, or if you’re feeling confident, slide him right into your starting roster.

Trading….meh. I’m not a huge fan of trading anyone my starting lineup on my fantasy team or in real life. But if you and the members of the league can come to a mutual agreement…then trade away.

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SO BASICALLY. What I’m trying to say is that managing a Fantasy Football team is 100 times easier than organizing the social calendar of a single girl. So ladies, if you can master yours, I give you permission to do a full on touchdown dance.

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*Disclaimer: A quick reminder that this in regards to dating in New York City. As in letting boys take us out for dinners and drinks, and figuring out which lucky playa is gonna change his ways and settle down with us. Just in case anyone had the wrong idea.

Lata, bitches, good luck with the rest of your season!!!

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Fashionably Late to NYFW

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Sorry for the brief hiatus, I’ve been doing important things like having a job and moving into an apartment and texting a lot of people. But alas I have returned again, with a story of my most recent New York City adventure. Come sit and let me tell you a tale of a far-away land, where beautiful, mystical creatures walk gracefully through our midst, looking forever youthful and shimmering as the lights hit them. No, this isn’t Twilight – sorry vamp-lovers. This is New York Fashion Week. And I was lucky enough to be introduced to this new, beautiful, magical world, feeling as awkward and plain-looking as Bella Swan upon meeting the Cullens, and as hungry as the Cullens when they catch a whiff of human.

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You can’t sit with us!!

New York Fashion Week was something that, to be truly honest with you, I never thought I’d see the inside of. The entire fashion industry just always struck me as something foreign, something so specific that unless you considered yourself “into fashion,” which (Surprise!) I never did, it just wasn’t your scene. To me, the industry was reserved for the tall, the skinny, the poised, and the pretentious. It always seemed like too much arrogance, too much exclusivity, too much dark lipstick. Yet as much as I wanted to feel negatively about it, I was always a bit enraptured with the way New York Fashion Week would take over the city. My PR friends would post Facebook statuses like, “Time for NYFW, see you all in two weeks!” and share Instagram photos of runway models, trendy shoes, or flashy afterparties. It was an alluring scene, a glamourous scene – but it was never my scene.

And yet I found myself a part of it this year. And how did I land such an awesome opportunity? Thanks to blogging. I was perusing the Craigslist ‘writing gigs’ section during my lunch break at work a few weeks back (A common activity – you never know what’s going to pop up there!) and ended up submitting some material for a cool, multi-city lifestyle blog called The Urban Realist. A few days later I was speaking with the Editor in Chief, who is based out of Fort Lauderdale, and was asked if I’d like to attend an event or two for NYFW and write some brief coverage for the blog. An amazing opportunity that came essentially out of nowhere, thanks to a little bit of Craigslist trolling and a 15 minute phone call.

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I was thankful to have Jess with me to photograph so that we seemed a little more legit, but overall, the two of us had a blast and agreed that it was a new and amazing experience to be swimming in the fishtank surrounded by these beautiful creatures rather than watching them swim in circles and judging from outside the glass. While I could talk forever about how rewarding it was, I think it’s important to not diverge from my true, weird self and instead, have some fun with this post:

Kristen & Jess Present:

Realizing You Don’t Belong at Fashion Week

You have no idea how to dress. It’s like Harry Potter syndrome at Kings Cross station. Half the people there are running through solid walls in robes pushing carts topped with owls, and the other half are in muggle-wear just trying to make it to work on time, and everyone is looking at everyone else like, “Dafuq are they wearing?”

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You get excited about free food. The good news is there will be a ton of it since everyone else at these events weighs 74 pounds…combined. But the more you eat and the fuller you get, the fatter and worse about yourself you’ll probably feel. But hey, who can say no to 4 packages of free hummus??? NOT I!

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You smile in pictures.  Don’t you know that everyone at fashion week pouts? Duh. Smiling can cause face wrinkles which will never be in style – unlike the pout which will never be ‘out.’ On the rare occasion you do see smiles, they will of course be closed-lip smiles. You can’t show your teeth because ‘No White After Labor Day’ is like the most important fashion rule of all time.

Anyone who smiles can Dere-lick my balls

Anyone who smiles can Dere-lick my balls

You’re wearing comfortable shoes. Dead giveaway. Comfortable = bad. Any shoe worth wearing to fashion week is at best, going to tear your feet to ribbons. If you look down and think to yourself, “These shoes are so comfortable,” you’re probably doing it wrong. Also – it doesn’t matter what the weather is. Weather durable footwear is probably a no-go unless you have designah rain boots.

Looks good.

Looks good.

You’re drunk. Apparently people don’t drink at these things?? I know, I was shocked too. If my friends and I were going to dress up in weird clothes, walk seductively down a long hallway, blow kisses at a camera, and then strut away, I’m 99% sure there would be (a lot of) alcohol involved. For the walker and the watcher. But I guess that’s why they have after parties.

Keep it real.

Keep it real.

So essentially, if you arrive at a Fashion Week show the way I’m used to arriving at events, that is, dressed strangely, looking for food, smiling, jumping around in my favorite comfy wedges, and drunk, it won’t matter what “list” you’re on – you know the truth. You don’t belong.

From a wannabe fashionista, hear me on this. Regardless of how short, heavy, under-dressed, and sober you may feel at a fashion week runway show, overall the experience is a positive one. There is so much to see and and learn about this industry. The vast majority of us will never really be a part of the fashion world, doomed to shop at Zara and Forever 21 long past being 21. So take what you can get.

And by that I mean snatch up all the free giveaways at the event. Goodies!

See my “real” fashion week coverage posts here:

http://theurbanrealist.com/nyfw-kristin-cavallari-show/

http://theurbanrealist.com/glitters-nyfw/

Until next time… Au Revior Fashion Week!!!

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The Return

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Ladies and Gentlemen, friends and neighbors, family, co-workers, enemies, stalkers, sisters, lovers, haters, readers – I have three words for you.

I have returned.

Like Michael Jordan to the NBA, like Simba to Pride Rock, like Britney to the music world, and like most birthday presents that aren’t checks or gift cards, I am back where I started from.

ImageRemember who you are.

I have returned to where I belong – the blogosphere – to bring to you more of my advice and commentary on the world, New York City, relationships, food, naps, not going to the gym and other things that are important to me. I hope I’ve been missed as much as I’ve missed posting, and I’m so happy to hopping back on the blog-o-train. That, and because I’ve been bothering so many people to listen to my senseless rantings that I think I just need a new outlet. I’ve been cooped up in my own mind for too long and I need to be set free into the world to learn and share and fly!!!! That being said, I’m going to start going in a new direction with this. Keeping in mind what I’ve written about over the past year and some of the feedback I’ve gotten, I’m ready to open your eyes to more of the weirdness that I happen to set mine on.

Some tune-age to set the mood:

I’ll keep this short and sweet – just as a quick note letting you all know that your favorite weekly read is BACK. Keep posted for some fun new stuff coming up really soon.

Kristen’s Blog – Making your morning train rides a little more entertaining since May 2012.

See you soon.

Day 309 – F.O.M.O.

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I apologize for my brief hiatus from the blogosphere, but fear not – I have returned. I know you probably are all wondering just what I was doing for the past sixteen days; perhaps you had a bit of F.O.M.O…a Fear Of Missing Out? Well, whether you did or not, developing F.O.M.O. is exactly what I’m going to be blogging about today.

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F.O.M.O. [ F(ear) O(f) M(issing) O(ut)] (Foh-mo) noun 

The condition in which one who is separated from a group of people or a large scale event experiences fear, discomfort, and utter depression due to the misfortune of being unable to partake in events and activities with said group or at said event and understanding this means you will be missing something amazing. May lead to irrational and rash decisions such as last-minute flight bookings, over-drinking, or spontaneous outbursts of hysterical tears at your desk.

I have experienced, and believe I will continue to experience, the worst post-graduate F.O.M.O. symptoms thus far this month. Why? Simply because the month of March for the past few years of my life was always unreal. The bomb diggity. March was…well, Madness, if I may. There was always so much going on, the weather was getting nicer, people would visit and it was essentially a 31-day-long party in my house at school.

First and foremost, as you know from my last post, March to me means Spring Break. It means Las Vegas. It means the Bahamas. It means getting tan and drinking on the beach and dancing all night long and laughing and meeting new people and making questionable decisions that I never really needed to answer for. I just feel like I became the best version of myself on Spring Break. And by the best I mean worst…but it certainly felt like the best. The words “Spring Break” evoke feelings of freedom and excitement and spontaneity… and I’m watching undergrads experience all of it through this cursed channel we call Facebook. I see them prancing around in heels, all sunkissed and smiling, margaritas in hand. And I fear, I do, that I am…missing out. Which I am. Because I’m sitting at a desk doing much less prancing than I was last year down Las Vegas Boulevard, and I’m NOT happy about it!!!!

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This post falls at a very significant time, between two specific weekends which have made my F.O.M.O. much harder for me to deal with – smack dab in the middle of the two weekends of Ultra Music Festival. And goddammit, do people post a lot of pictures/videos of Ultra! (Did I post that many? If so, I’m sorry.) I even get video Snapchats from friends featuring 10-second teasers of the awesome sets I know they’re watching. And I’ll be honest…that’s just evil. And before I go to sleep each night, I whisper all their names to myself in a sort of corrupt prayer like Arya from Game of Thrones hoping all the power in Miami goes out or someone gets a bad case of Scarlet Fever and can’t get to UMF next weekend. It’s not my fault. It’s a side effect of F.O.M.O.

Plus, on top of it all, the changing of the seasons makes me miss last year. Today is officially the first day of Spring (although in NYC it doesn’t really feel like it), and with the Spring comes so many things I want to be doing. I want to be going to baseball games or going to the park or going on boats and outdoor bars or at least wearing flip flops and the worst part of all of it is that other people are. People live in warmer places or are successfully “funemployed” or are still lucky enough to be in school and they are doing all these things…and I am missing out on them.

As post-grads and entry-level employees, this feeling was bound to hit us eventually. It’s a trapping feeling, a sadness; it’s like all you want is for your best friend to drive up to your bedroom window in a flying car and rescue you during the lowest point of your F.O.M.O. and whisk you away.

harry rescue pt 2

But that kind of magic doesn’t apply to most of us, unfortunately. And so we need to find other ways to deal with F.O.M.O. And here is my best advice as to how to get throw these months that we spend playing in traffic while others are playing…everywhere else.

1. Make yourself a short-term bucket list.

Whether it’s a “Spring Bucket List” or “Things To Do In March” document, compile some kind of list of fun things you can do to keep busy. My friends and I have a Google Doc that we’re constantly adding things to so we can try new and exciting places and activities all the time. Definitely helps prevent F.O.M.O. as you’ll be too busy having fun to think about all the better things other people are doing.

2. Stay off social media.

Easier said than done, I know, especially when many of our jobs allow us some prime Facebooking after lunch or ample time to browse our Twitter feeds during the morning commutes. But try to not go through every “SPRiNG BR3AK 20!3” album that gets posted. It’ll only make you feel sad. And fat. And pale. Also, don’t backstalk yourself and remind yourself of all the fun you were having when you were still in college. That’s even worse, because hating past-you is always harder than hating present-anyone-else.

3. Make one really stupid college-kid decision.

Simply so that when you hear some kids telling a story about all the wild and crazy stuff they did over break, you can have one reference you can drop. “Well, don’t worry, we still rage too. Like, you’ll never believe what I did last weekend….” (Insert my behavior over St. Patrick’s Day weekend. Yep.)

4. Then counteract it and do something post-grad-esque and mature.

You’ll feel pretty dumb after your #3 stupid decision, so then do something very post-grad of you. Like trying out this new fancy wine bar or buying yourself a nice new blazer. Remind yourself that being a post-grad is fun, too! You’re not funneling beers on a beach, this is true. But the YoPros go cray for a sexy young thang hitting up Happy Hour in a sleek black blazer…who could pay for her her own drinks, but he’s gonna buy yours anyway. And it’s not gonna be a Natty Light, either. It’ll be a Blue Moon. Classssssssssy.

5. Last but not least, remember that F.O.M.O. is a temporary condition.

And that if you actually went to every party, every concert, every bar, and on every trip that you thought you would “miss out on” by not attending, you would be broke, exhausted, and probably have a horrible immune system. Breathe and relax and take comfort in knowing that you will 100% have a chance to go to some event or take some trip or see some show sometime soon that other people are totally going to miss out on. And you can brag about it all you want.

Keep your head up during these undergrad F.O.M.O. moments, post-grads. While it may be hard, there are bright, shining, wonderful future experiences for those 23 and older somewhere out there waiting for us.

Day 275 – Your Single Best Valentine’s Day Ever

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Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

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…But is it really happy?

For the past few days, all I’ve been seeing all over social media is single girls complaining about their lack of Valentines. I get it. It’s nice to have someone to buy you presents and take you out to dinner and shower you with love and kisses and chocolates and things that you can take pictures of and upload to Facebook to make everyone else jealous of you. But hey. I wish I had that every day, not just Valentine’s Day. So what’s the big deal about today? WHY do single girls make such a big deal about this stupid, lonely, cold, February day???

I was one of you not too long ago. But not anymore, ladies. Let this be the year you have a great Valentine’s Day because you’re single. Not even though you’re single. Here are some ways to make your Valentine’s Day the Single Best Valentine’s Day Ever.

5. List the People You Really Love

Remind yourself of all those you care about on this special day that my hibachi chef the other night refers to as “Love Day.” Here’s my list:

The guy in the deli who knows my coffee order when I walk in. He just warms my heart (and the rest of me….cause coffee is hot….get it…)
The sexy LIRR conductor who wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day today and winked at me.
My dad (unless I don’t come home to flowers today then he’s scratched from da list…sorry Daddy)
Ryan Gosling (“If I met Ryan Gosling in a bar….I’d make out with him”)
My dog. Actually all dogs. Woof.
The bartender who will give me a free drink tonight (Don’t know who you are yet but I know we’ll be meeting soon)
Jon Snow

Aww, Guys, Jon got me a puppy for Valentine's Day!

Aww, Guys, Jon got me a puppy for Valentine’s Day!

4. Make Fun of Your Exes

I want to write a petition to rename Valentine’s Day “Make Fun of Your Exes” day. You know there is a ex-boyfriend or ex-something in your life that has gained weight, is dating a not-so-cute girl, lost his job, got a bad haircut…etc. Make fun of him today. Celebrate being better off without him. Wouldn’t you rather be single than still dating him??? If he liked it, then he should’ve put a ring on it.

Let it out. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

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3. Enjoy the Lazy Night You’ve Been Dying to Have

I don’t know about you, but a lot of the time, people will ask me to hang out and I feel obliged to go, even though what I really want to do is lay in bed, drink wine, eat microwavable food, turn my phone off, and just have a night to myself. If you have no other plans and promise not to watch romance flicks, have a lazy night in tonight. Order chinese and watch an intense action flick with your dog. Skip the gym, wear sweatpants and no makeup, and don’t worry about impressing anyone (except your mom who never thought you’d be able to finish the entire order of lo mein by yourself).

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2. Snag Single Dudes

Believe me when I say this is the best night to go out with all your girlfriends. Why? Because every guy you meet will be single. If he’s not, he’ll be out with his girlfriend. This is your chance to find your date for Valentine’s Day 2014. So get all dressed up, do some single-mingling tonight, have an awesome night, and make all your friends who are having boring nights with their boyfriends’ jealous.

*Warning* – Some guys may be out because they’re looking for “desperate, single girls alone on Valentine’s Day.” Be one step ahead of the game. Work them for all their wallets are worth and dip out while you’re ahead. #winning

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And most importantly…

1. Love Yourself

If this day is all about love, why not love the most important person in your life? Yourself! Be as selfish as possible. Buy yourself lingerie. Splurge on a manicure or that new lipstick you’ve been eyeing. Take a bubble bath. Drink your favorite wine. Hell, drink a margarita if that’s what you prefer. YOU DO YOU, BABY GIRL.

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Enjoy Valentine’s Day if you have a date tonight. Enjoy it more if you don’t. This day of love doesn’t mean you need to be in a committed relationship. Celebrate whatever it is that you love most. Whether that’s food, friends, wine, relaxation, partying, being single, or your boyfriend.

And just remember, no matter how bad today may seem, it could be worse. You could be Taylor Swift.

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Also, this. Because I just had to.

Day 234 – What Not To Do In 2013

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I know I resolved not to really make any resolutions for the New Year. But still, when given a fresh start, it’s hard not to consider making some changes. I’ve been thinking about things that I’ve done in the past that maybe it’s time to stop doing.

So rather than me listing you things I will resolve to do, here’s my “What Not To Do in 2013” list:

10. Putting the lid of my Starbucks drink on the counter without putting a napkin down first. Advice brought to you by Jess Pester who watched me do this without realizing how many germs I was allowing into my delicious latte and informed me of my error. Gross. Kill me.

9. Confusing late night boredom for hunger. Just because the Law and Order SVU marathon has finally ended, doesn’t mean I need to make a  grilled cheese sandwich at 11:30 pm. Though for some reason they seem to taste better late at night than at any other time of the day.

8. Texting and Driving. Even though I can literally text with my eyes closed  I do it so often, it’s better to be safe than sorry. But seriously, everyone should get on board with this one.

7. Going to the same restaurant/bar all the time. There is more to life than Blockheads on 33rd and 3rd. Like Caliente Cab down the block.

6. Texting ex-boyfriends. That’s NOT gonna fly in 2013. Responding is okay if they text first though. Baby steps.

5. Going commando. Really not entirely appropriate for anywhere except laying on the couch in sweatpants watching Law and Order marathons and bored-eating (see #9). In which case, this is null and void.

4. Drinking like I’m still in college. Seriously. It’s taking a toll on my body and I end up doing stupid stuff (see #6) and the hangovers are 10x worse and I JUST CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE OKAY?!??!?

3. Going to bed SUPER SUPER LATE for no reason. It makes me feel like crap the next day, and I end up having to by two coffees instead of one morning coffee, and if I’m tired enough, I’ll even put the lid down without a napkin (see #10).

2. Buying clothes a size smaller so that “When I lose 5 more pounds, I’ll fit into them!” I’m just setting myself up for failure.

1. Stealing my mom’s wine after she goes to sleep. …JK that’s totally still gonna happen but it’ll be cute to watch me try for a few weeks.

New Years Res

~Happy 2013!~

Day 228 – Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

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~Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Holidays to all!~

Here we are, only three days away until the end of the year. Usually around this time of year I sit around and think of all the irresponsible, unhealthy, embarrassing behavior I’ve engaged in over the past twelve months, behavior I resolved not to engage in the year before, of course. But as 2012 draws to a close, I can’t help but reminisce on all the amazing things I was lucky enough to experience in what I’m absolutely positive was the best year of my life.

Where to begin…

Ringing in 2012 With Old Friends. I was lucky enough to begin this year with some of my oldest friends. In the close-knit neighborhood that is Bellerose, I was lucky enough to hold on to friends that I’ve known since kindergarten. It’s incredible – we’ve all stayed close, even through going to different high schools, different colleges, and just growing up in our own unique ways. But it was a great kickoff to 2012, being reminded that friendship is a strong bond and those whom you love will always be a phone call away, even if life begins to take you down different paths.

2012

Being a Party Girl and living the flirty, fresh, and fun life with my super cool friends. Which reminds me…

Las Vegas Spring Break 2012. The craziest trip I’ve ever been on. (Why anyone let us free in that city is beyond me.) Yet I couldn’t be happier that we went. We laughed, we cried, we won money, we lost money, we lost more money. We got cursed with crappy weather and almost got arrested (Berger), went to crazy clubs and saw mostly naked men dancing. It was the trip of a lifetime and I couldn’t have spent it with a better crew. Ze Vegas Crew.

Las Vegas

Being Tan. I was really tan in 2012. Like I just backstalked myself on Facebook…like seriously tan. Holy crap. Which reminds me…

Ultra Music Festival. Not gonna go crazy here but it was incredibly cool being part of something so huge. Say what you want about the EDM scene but there is something so magical about an event where you can wear butterfly antennae on your head and make out with trees and not only is it not really an issue, but you become a YouTube sensation in one day. Unfortunately, I didn’t take advantage of Miami Music Week during the first three years I spent in Miami so Ultra made for a good grand finale. Plus, I needed an excuse to wear next-to-nothing neon and put my hair in pigtails again for the first time since I was 11.

Ultra Tan

Ultra Tan

Getting Employed. I was one of the lucky ones to be employed even before the end of the school year (shout-out to VenueTap.com what what). It was a scary realization, the one that i came to  in the spring semester, that I should probably start looking for something to do with myself following graduation, or I’d be sitting on my couch all day every day…forever. Coming home and having a job for the summer was awesome – having it become my full time job was even more awesome. I’m lucky to have been given the opportunity that I was.

And Of Course…Graduation. Simultaneously the best and the worst day of my life. It was an accomplishment, no matter how common it is to graduate college these days. And to have my whole family there (minus my d-bag brother who thought his finals were more important..sheesh) to support me was amazing. Walking across the stage at the Bank United Center was surreal, and with the movement of some pretty string on top of a flat square hat, I went from “college student” to “college graduate.”

However, it also meant that I was saying goodbye to my home away from home, Miami, and Modesty. The girls whose floor I ended up on by chance (well, sort of), but became best friends with by choice. More like my sisters than my friends, the way we treated each others’ closets as our own, the way we’d fight over what to watch on TV for hours, the way we’d share our thoughts and experiences in full, and sometimes too much, detail. You became my second family. And in that sense, graduation was the worst thing that could ever happen. But what a ride, huh? And like I said previously, I know you’re all only a phone call away. Or a group chat message away.

The Weirdest People You Will Ever Meet

The Weirdest People You Will Ever Meet

So it’s a bittersweet end to an incredible year, but I’m looking forward to making next year even better. I’m not wasting time making the same resolutions I make yearly (Losing weight! Being more organized! Blah blah blah!). Instead, I’m just resolving to make 2013 AWESOME. The Year of Awesome. With awesome blog posts and awesome clothes and awesome things happening and awesome hair etc.

New Years

And so it begins in 3 (days)…2…1…

Happy New Year, everybody 🙂

Day 205 – A Post-Grad’s Guide to the Office Holiday Party

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Happy December!

With the Holiday season in full swing, and the Holiday Party season starting up, us post-grads have once again reached an obstacle in our road to maturity and success within our entry-level jobs: the Office Christmas Party. We’ve all heard the stories: about how your co-worker became “that guy” last year after he danced around with a lampshade on his head to Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You, how because of that one time three years ago, they don’t allow hard liquor at the party anymore (referred to as something like “The Eggnog Incident”), or how that pretty girl got fired because she took sitting in Santa’s lap a little too seriously. While a Holiday Party is a chance to relax, have fun, and bond with your colleagues, it’s also when you’re most vulnerable to ruin your reputation, your relationships, and your career.

Let’s reflect for a moment on what holiday parties in college were like. The “What Not To Do” section of the post.

Given names like “The XXXmas Party” and “Christmas Bros and Ho Ho Hoes,” these college Christmas parties usually take place during finals week at the end of the semester, when everyone is super stressed, running on barely any sleep, and consuming a diet of Adderall and Monster for days on end. Combine that with some pungent Holiday Punch, girls desperate for semi-formal dates, and frustrated frat boys – you’ve got yourself a recipe for a disaster. Outrageous outfits from slutty snowflakes to shirtless Santas make party-goers a spectacle, (Though some outfits are truly brilliant, like my walking Christmas tree with working lights last year.) and the questionable kisses that take place under makeshift mistletoes will leave college chicks wishing they’d had one less cup of that Candy Cane concoction.

xmas

But that mentality doesn’t exactly cut it for the Office Holiday Party. No matter how cute I think the walking Christmas Tree looks, something tells me a boss would be a bit confused if their employee walked in, red Solo cup in hand, wrapped in Christmas lights.

So since I know you all rely on my model-citizen expert advice on how to handle situations your first year out of college, here’s a guide for the Holiday Party.

Your Post-Grad Guide to a Guiltless Holiday Gathering..

Also Known As – The Office Party

Dress to Impress a Mom

A good way to figure out what’s appropriate to wear and what’s not is to treat it as if you’re meeting your boyfriend’s mom for the first time. Of course you want to look cute, because you want her to think her son totally hit the jackpot by scoring you as a girlfriend. However, too over the top, and she’ll know you’re trying too hard. So ditch both the ugly sweater and the tinsel-y top. Find a happy medium. Cute but conservative, playful but professional. I have no advice for dudes. Just make sure to wear a shirt.

Be Moderately Merry 

Of course you’re going to have a drink or two at the party – it’s a holiday celebration after all! But maybe limit it to just that. Or stick to one drink an hour, while actively consuming the (probably delicious) hors d’oeuvres being passed around. Proactively avoid a morning full of “I told my boss WHAT?” or “HE was the one in the Santa suit?!” or “Do you know how I got home?” by just staying in control of yourself. Being a complete shitshow might cause you to lose your job, and throwing up on your boss pretty much means you’re not getting a reference at your next job. Use this fun infographic as a guide if you’re trying to get a little crazy. And yeah…scroll all the way to the bottom.

Eat, Santa, Eat!

Don’t feel bad about taking full advantage of the food offered. Chances are they spent quite a bit of dough on the Christmas Party, and there are unemployed post-grads all over New York who don’t get to go to one. So eat those pigs in blankets! Plus, the more food in your system, the less likely you are to get too drunk and flirt with the quiet dude from the corner cubicle.

Grab Bag Guidlines

While most of us probably like to buy something inappropriate and silly for the Grab Bag gift, consider the fact that anyone in your office could be the one to pull that present. Anything sexual related – no way. Anything alcohol related – probably not, unless it’s actually a nice beer mug/wine glass. Anything drug related – definitely not. Also avoid re-gifting the shitty present you got last year. That’s going to be awkward when it ends up back in the hands of the person who gave it to you.

Interact Intelligently 

And pretty much what all these guidelines add up to is that you need to Interact Intelligently to ensure a smooth and successful Holiday event. Do laugh at your boss’s jokes, but don’t overly flirt with them. Do compliment your co-workers; it’s the holiday season and a little kindness goes a long way. Don’t hit on anyone’s significant others, but introduce yourself to the families of your colleagues. Don’t overdo it with the drinking and dancing, but do have some fun with it. No one got fired for raising your Champagne to a successful year or for starting a Conga line. But you may get fired for doing 5 rounds of Jameson shots “To the company!!!” or for starting a grinding line. And don’t make out with anyone from your office. Just don’t do it. A real walk of shame is having to walk past the desk of the dude you locked lips with under the mistletoe in front of your entire office.

So get in the spirit, avoid excessive hard liquor, remember you’re not in college anymore, and enjoy yourself. It’s Christmas, after all!! The most wonderful time of the year!!

santa

Oh, and book your holiday parties at www.venuetap.com!  A little self promotion never hurt anyone! 😉