Dear Frigid Winter Weather,
For weeks you’ve plagued my days
With snow and slush and frozen mush –
I’m in a frosty haze.
Each morning as I step from bed
I’m met with chilly floors;
Fearful to touch the metal knobs
On all my stone-cold doors.
My landlord is an icy bitch
And won’t turn up the heat.
So all I have to keep me warm
Are slippers for my feet.
I walk down Lexington, a scarf
Wound tight around my neck.
Because of you, my four block stroll
Is a long and icy trek.
The subway tracks are packed and wet.
Trains running with delays.
Daily commutes in thick snow boots
Avoiding puddles like a maze.
Winter storms come days apart,
All with stupid names.
I’m not sure what you’re up to, winter,
But I’m sick of all your games.
There was no time before this year
You flew in with such strength.
I could tolerate your presence here
But never to this length.
Not only I have noticed.
I know many would agree.
Cause every fucking Instagram
Is of a snowy tree.
And every Facebook status shouts,
“Guys! OMG! It’s cold!!!”
All the updates, texts, and tweets
Are getting kind of old.
And then that stupid Groundhog
Ran and hid and bid you, “Stay!”
I’ll kill that thing, I swear, by spring,
So you will go away.
Cause I just miss being outside
And walking where I please
Without the fear of freezing,
Slipping, falling to my knees…
I’m running out of Netflix shows.
I’m running out of tea.
So if I may, on this cold day,
Speak on behalf of NYC.
In my open letter to winter weather
“PLEASE LEAVE US!” New York begs.
So I can wear my shorts and skirts
And finally shave my legs.
Love Fuck you very much,