Tag Archives: workplace

Day 328 – “NSFW”

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I have never hated the sound of a camera shutter as much as I did this morning when I was SnapChatting a friend a silly selfie and left the sound on my iPhone on.

I froze, duck lips in full force, praying no one heard the loud Chhhhhh that ran across the office. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the guy across the room peek out from behind his computer screen as I tried to make it look like I was screen-shotting something. Narrowly avoiding what would’ve been a seriously humiliating moment in the office, I turned my sound off as quickly as I could.

There are a few things that are NSFW – Not Safe For Work, that is, and apparently, SnapChat is one of them. It very much depends on your workplace, however, as some of my friends are able to watch full TV episodes on Hulu Plus during their work day. Don’t worry Jess, I’m not gonna say any names. But you’ll learn as year one of PostGrad Life progresses just what is and isn’t safe for work.

1. SnapChat

Like I just mentioned, often SnapChat is NSFW. Unless you are actually smart and remember to turn the sound off when you get to your desk. But seriously, unless you’re sneakily snapping selfies, be careful, because it’s going to be hard to explain this face if you’re caught doing it at your desk:

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2. Hilarious BuzzFeed Articles

It is a scientifically proven fact that the only time it is impossible to hold in laughter is when it is absolutely necessary to hold in laughter. The workplace is one of those places you should try to contain the giggles as best you can due to an undeniable law. It’s called the Law of KYMS – Keeping Your Mouth Shut. I have a hard time following the Law of KYMS every time I open up a link to a Buzzfeed article from an e-mail or a g-chat someone has sent to me. I very often have to physically cup my hands over my mouth to stifle an embarrassing display of hysterical laughter that would be NSFW.

Wanna see if you can follow the Law of KYMS? Check out the 25 Funniest Autocorrects Buzzfeed article, one of my all time favorites. If you can hold in laughter through all twenty five, I’ll buy you a beer. But then also probably stop being your friend because they’re hilarious and if you don’t agree we shouldn’t hang out because I only like funny people.

3. Catching Up on Game of Thrones

The sex. The violence. The incest. The revenge. The totally-out-of-nowhere plot twists. If unlike me, you’re able to watch TV at work somehow, know that Game of Thrones is definitely NSFW. Imagine the setting. You have HBO Go open in one window, an Excel spreadsheet in another for easy clicking back and forth. But you become entranced with the show. Battles of good and evil are unfolding in front of your eyes as your heart races in anticipation. Then suddenly, the LAST POSSIBLE THING you ever thought would happen on the show happens. And you try to react like this:

poppins

But you WANT to react like this:

shocked

And I’m not sure what kind of job you have but the latter reaction would be met with some confusion in my office.

4. Stinky Food

Not only should certain activities be discouraged in the office, but often your choice of lunch can be a not-safe-for-work factor. The Lunch Hour is a sacred hour in the workplace. Where you can finally peel your eyes from your computer screen, give your ever-typing fingers a break, and rejuvenate – boost up your energy to get you through the rest of the day. For those of us trying to save some cash, bringing your lunch and eating it at your desk is a common occurrence  And nothing ruins the sanctity of lunchtime than having to smell your coworkers stinky egg salad as you try to enjoy your midday meal.

Some NSFW Foods you should Avoid:

  • Anything with curry
  • Egg salad
  • Fish, specifically tuna fish
  • Asparagus and Broccoli
  • Microwave popcorn
  • Burritos

lunch

5. Looking at Pictures of Ryan Gosling

Because:

ryan gosling

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So stay focused at work, post-grads, or if you must distract yourself, stick to Pinterest.

Best of luck!

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Day 205 – A Post-Grad’s Guide to the Office Holiday Party

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Happy December!

With the Holiday season in full swing, and the Holiday Party season starting up, us post-grads have once again reached an obstacle in our road to maturity and success within our entry-level jobs: the Office Christmas Party. We’ve all heard the stories: about how your co-worker became “that guy” last year after he danced around with a lampshade on his head to Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You, how because of that one time three years ago, they don’t allow hard liquor at the party anymore (referred to as something like “The Eggnog Incident”), or how that pretty girl got fired because she took sitting in Santa’s lap a little too seriously. While a Holiday Party is a chance to relax, have fun, and bond with your colleagues, it’s also when you’re most vulnerable to ruin your reputation, your relationships, and your career.

Let’s reflect for a moment on what holiday parties in college were like. The “What Not To Do” section of the post.

Given names like “The XXXmas Party” and “Christmas Bros and Ho Ho Hoes,” these college Christmas parties usually take place during finals week at the end of the semester, when everyone is super stressed, running on barely any sleep, and consuming a diet of Adderall and Monster for days on end. Combine that with some pungent Holiday Punch, girls desperate for semi-formal dates, and frustrated frat boys – you’ve got yourself a recipe for a disaster. Outrageous outfits from slutty snowflakes to shirtless Santas make party-goers a spectacle, (Though some outfits are truly brilliant, like my walking Christmas tree with working lights last year.) and the questionable kisses that take place under makeshift mistletoes will leave college chicks wishing they’d had one less cup of that Candy Cane concoction.

xmas

But that mentality doesn’t exactly cut it for the Office Holiday Party. No matter how cute I think the walking Christmas Tree looks, something tells me a boss would be a bit confused if their employee walked in, red Solo cup in hand, wrapped in Christmas lights.

So since I know you all rely on my model-citizen expert advice on how to handle situations your first year out of college, here’s a guide for the Holiday Party.

Your Post-Grad Guide to a Guiltless Holiday Gathering..

Also Known As – The Office Party

Dress to Impress a Mom

A good way to figure out what’s appropriate to wear and what’s not is to treat it as if you’re meeting your boyfriend’s mom for the first time. Of course you want to look cute, because you want her to think her son totally hit the jackpot by scoring you as a girlfriend. However, too over the top, and she’ll know you’re trying too hard. So ditch both the ugly sweater and the tinsel-y top. Find a happy medium. Cute but conservative, playful but professional. I have no advice for dudes. Just make sure to wear a shirt.

Be Moderately Merry 

Of course you’re going to have a drink or two at the party – it’s a holiday celebration after all! But maybe limit it to just that. Or stick to one drink an hour, while actively consuming the (probably delicious) hors d’oeuvres being passed around. Proactively avoid a morning full of “I told my boss WHAT?” or “HE was the one in the Santa suit?!” or “Do you know how I got home?” by just staying in control of yourself. Being a complete shitshow might cause you to lose your job, and throwing up on your boss pretty much means you’re not getting a reference at your next job. Use this fun infographic as a guide if you’re trying to get a little crazy. And yeah…scroll all the way to the bottom.

Eat, Santa, Eat!

Don’t feel bad about taking full advantage of the food offered. Chances are they spent quite a bit of dough on the Christmas Party, and there are unemployed post-grads all over New York who don’t get to go to one. So eat those pigs in blankets! Plus, the more food in your system, the less likely you are to get too drunk and flirt with the quiet dude from the corner cubicle.

Grab Bag Guidlines

While most of us probably like to buy something inappropriate and silly for the Grab Bag gift, consider the fact that anyone in your office could be the one to pull that present. Anything sexual related – no way. Anything alcohol related – probably not, unless it’s actually a nice beer mug/wine glass. Anything drug related – definitely not. Also avoid re-gifting the shitty present you got last year. That’s going to be awkward when it ends up back in the hands of the person who gave it to you.

Interact Intelligently 

And pretty much what all these guidelines add up to is that you need to Interact Intelligently to ensure a smooth and successful Holiday event. Do laugh at your boss’s jokes, but don’t overly flirt with them. Do compliment your co-workers; it’s the holiday season and a little kindness goes a long way. Don’t hit on anyone’s significant others, but introduce yourself to the families of your colleagues. Don’t overdo it with the drinking and dancing, but do have some fun with it. No one got fired for raising your Champagne to a successful year or for starting a Conga line. But you may get fired for doing 5 rounds of Jameson shots “To the company!!!” or for starting a grinding line. And don’t make out with anyone from your office. Just don’t do it. A real walk of shame is having to walk past the desk of the dude you locked lips with under the mistletoe in front of your entire office.

So get in the spirit, avoid excessive hard liquor, remember you’re not in college anymore, and enjoy yourself. It’s Christmas, after all!! The most wonderful time of the year!!

santa

Oh, and book your holiday parties at www.venuetap.com!  A little self promotion never hurt anyone! 😉